'Ending Violence Against Women'

ENDING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN:   

Bahá'í International Community statement presented to the 51st session of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights

Geneva, Switzerland
30 January -- 10 March 1995
* * * * *

"The friends of God must be adorned with the ornament of justice, equity, kindness and love. As they do not allow themselves to be the object of cruelty and transgression, in like manner they should not allow such tyranny to visit the Handmaidens of God."

~ Bahá'u'lláh

..Violence against women is a yardstick by which one can measure the violation of all human rights. It can be used to gauge the degree to which a society is governed by aggressivity, dominated by competition and ruled by force. Abusive practices against women have frequently been and are still being justified in the context of cultural norms, religious beliefs and unfounded "scientific theories" and assumptions. But whatever its political or religious system, a society patterned on dominance inevitably gives rise to such distortions of power as violence against women.

It is becoming increasingly evident, however, that all forms of violence against women degrade not only the victim but the perpetrator as well. Those who inflict violence on women are themselves among the casualties of power-based systems. When unbridled competition, aggression, and tyranny destroy the fabric of society, everyone suffers. In the Bahá'í view, "the harvest of force is turmoil and the ruin of the social order" and violence against women is a grave symptom of this larger disorder.

Our challenge is to search out new strategies and adopt fresh models that will encourage a healthier, more cooperative society at all levels. We need to move consciously away from patterns of force and aggressivity and towards methods of consultation and peace-making. Because of the rise in crime and pornography, the increase in ethnic violence and the collapse of the family, more and more individuals, organizations and governments are seeking alternatives to violence in managing conflict.

One of the essential ways to encourage more cooperation is through education. While economic disparity and legal inequality are known to contribute to incidents of violence against women, it is obvious that violence arises from ignorance -- the failure to understand such fundamental realities as the oneness of the human race and the mistaken notion that force is the only honorable way to resolve conflicts. Education -- moral, material and practical -- is therefore not only a fundamental right but a practical necessity in today's world. Any attempt to curb societal violence that does not educate individuals to overcome gender prejudice will certainly fall short. At a time when illiteracy is increasing among women in the developing world and levels of learning are falling for both sexes in industrial societies, it is vitally important to reemphasize the role of education everywhere if violence against women is to be controlled.

Ironically enough, the place where women and girls are most subject to violence and neglect is within their own homes, at the nerve center of the family. If families educate their daughters, and if the community systematically encourages the education of girl children, both the family and the community benefit. Bahá'u'lláh, the Prophet-Founder of the Bahá'í Faith, has emphasized that mothers are the first educators of the next generation, in the broadest interpretation of those terms, and that where resources are limited priority must, therefore, be given to education of girl children.

But the problem of violence cannot truly be resolved unless men are also educated to value women as equal partners. Any effort to protect women against male aggression which does not involve the early training of boys will necessarily be short-lived. Likewise, all attempts to understand the causes and consequences of violence against women which do not involve men are bound to fail.

The Bahá'í International Community, therefore, warmly welcomes the inclusion of a full analysis of violence against women in the mandate of the Special Rapporteur. It also welcomes the invitation by the Commission on Human Rights to "recommend measures to eliminate violence against women and its causes, and to remedy its consequences."

Since the Bahá'í International Community has invested considerable effort at the grass roots in the education and training of both men and women in partnership, we would gladly offer to share our experience. For example, our recent collaboration with UNIFEM in three projects using traditional media as a change agent in society has drawn the attention of UNICEF because one result of the project was a decline in family violence.* In this respect, we look forward to further collaboration with the Special Rapporteur.

[This essay was published in The Greatness Which Might Be Theirs, a compilation of reflections on the Agenda and Platform for Action for the United Nations Fourth World Conference on Women: Equality, Development and Peace, published for distribution at the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing and the parallel NGO Forum in Huairou, China, August/September 1995.]

Parenting advice from a Ugandan elder

'Kaaka' means 'grandmother' in one of the Ugandan languages.  Kaaka Irene is my dear friend, Osiria's, mother.  From the moment we met, there was a spiritual connection of love that brought us close together.  Her bright smile and warm heart were like a magnet for mine. 

One time I went to kaaka Irene's room to visit with her.  We sat on the bed together and talked like old friends.  She sorted dry beans, removing the rotten ones from the good ones as we talked about the spirit of life.  She was ready to answer the question I had first asked her upon meeting her:  'What advice would you give me to raise my daughter?"

Kaaka Irene raised a daughter whose heart is overflowing with love for God in a genuinely spiritual way of living her life. Her daughter is such a spiritual rock in my life that I had to ask kaaka Irene that question.  I wanted to know what she did or how she lived to convey that spirit and moral character into her daughter.

With a page full of notes written in her native tongue she began translating her answer into English (a language she taught herself as an adult while living in Uganda!). I listened intently to every wise word she humbly offered.  Briefly, this is the advice she gave:

• Parents have to lead by example because kids are always observing to see if you are doing what you say or if its mere talk
• Parents should speak into the lives of their kids...we have the power to create by the words we say...speak what you want to see happen in the lives of your children
• Affirm your children and let them know they are very, very precious; let them know what can add or reduce the value of their lives
• Choosing friends wisely and not following the path of the wrongdoers..this involves learning to say no even to peer pressure...even at the risk of being unpopular among peers....the good should always overcome the bad
• Make devotion and prayer a habit...total dependence on the guidance of God
• As mothers, we have a big role to play because we have the power to impact generations

Listening to kaaka Irene that afternoon left an imprint on my soul.  She spoke as an elder with wisdom -- that blend of spiritual qualities which glows through silence and speech, through stillness and deeds.  Her heartfelt words, spoken oftentimes with passion and emphasis, made my soul feel as if it was being nourished.  It felt as if my ancestors and holy souls orchestrated this moment in my life.  I was hungry for her knowledge and experience and she shared it so generously and thoughtfully with me as if I was her own daughter.  It was one of those gems of oneness in my life..

mother's day ~ a surprise gift

    "If the mother is educated then her children will be well taught. When the mother is wise, then will the children be led into the path of wisdom. If the mother be religious she will show her children how they should love God. If the mother is moral she guides her little ones into the ways of uprightness.

    It is clear therefore that the future generation depends on the mothers of today."

    
 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 161

i woke up yesterday not expecting anything special for Mother's Day.  my husband is out of town and the kids are not inundated with media marketing here in Ghana so they forget these kinds of things.

all i felt throughout the day was gratitude for our family.  we have built a foundation of love that surpasses all of the temporary tests of life and it made me deeply happy and thankful..

my heart was focused on bringing joy to the mamas down the road by baking them a heart-shaped cake to share.  i found myself thinking of my Xhosa mama friends whose lives are full of hardships and i sent them all an sms to wish them a happy Mother's Day.  my heart was full of thankfulness for my mom, my step-mom, and my dear friends -- all from whom i have been nurtured and loved, supported and inspired, uplifted and enriched.  to me, it was a day of feeling interconnected with all mothers in the world and remembering the exalted station we have in the sight of God.  i called my mom and step-mom, wrote a few friends and reached out to many of my African sisters..it was a good day.

tonight i received an unexpected surprise from my 12 year old son: a belated Mother's Day card.  he decided to make me a card with these words inside because he didn't remember yesterday:

i couldn't be more thankful for my son's reflections today.  what a gift from his soul to mine.  certainly i have many moments of doubting my words of good counsel, or regretting my tone of voice, and becoming impatient when the moments become overwhelming.  these words are a sign of how the love and grace of God is all-pervasive in our lives as we continually strive to be better as mothers and fathers.

'women remain the beasts of burden'

went to a big market this morning where i saw many young women carrying heavy loads on their heads, oftentimes with worn out flip flops or uncomfortable sandals.. with my eyes, local greetings and smile, i offered my heart's love and respect for their hard work, bringing smiles to their once hardened faces.. with awe i sat down, watching them pass by, and thought of how incalculably hard their lives must be:

"In developing countries, but, of course, not in these countries alone, women remain the beasts of burden. It is they who must bear the children, grow the food, care for the home, travel to the market, obtain the fuel, carry the water, and then serve their men. This hugely unjust expectation of the female population also denies them the right of participating at the decision-making level and so in promoting actively the cause of human rights in their locality, for they have neither the time nor the energy. What we must attempt is a conversion of this source of inequality into a spring of positive energy. One way of approaching this is to recognize the rootedness of women in the basic survival processes of society and to channel such experience into the development of rural, and urban, societies. This implies female participation at all levels of development, whether it be in the home, at work, in administration, or in leisure. Moreover, if the benefits of such knowledge are to be most effectively diffused throughout society, then the appropriate authorities would do well to consider giving first priority to the education of women and girls, not just as a priority over the education of men, but as a priority among the general concerns of their domestic policy."

(Baha'i International Community, 1990 Feb 09, Right to Development)

sexual abuse ~ an excerpt from the Baha'i Writings

It is clear from the Bahá'í Writings that a vital component of the education of children is the exercise of discipline. Shoghi Effendi has stated, in a letter written on his behalf about the education of children, that:

"The lack of spiritual values in society leads to a debasement of the attitudes which should govern the relationship between the sexes, with women being treated as no more that objects for sexual gratification and being denied the respect and courtesy to which all human beings are entitled. Bahá'u'lláh has warned: "They that follow their lusts and corrupt inclinations, have erred and dissipated their efforts. They, indeed, are of the lost." Believers might well ponder the exalted standard of conduct to which they are encouraged to aspire in the statement of Bahá'u'lláh concerning His "true follower", that: "And if he met the fairest and most comely of women, he would not feel his heart seduced by the least shadow of desire for her beauty. Such an one, indeed, is the creation of spotless chastity. Thus instructeth you the Pen of the Ancient of Days, as bidden by your Lord, the Almighty, the All-Bountiful."

One of the most heinous of sexual offenses is the crime of rape. When a believer is a victim, she is entitled to the loving aid and support of the members of her community, and she is free to initiate action against the perpetrator under the law of the land should she wish to do so. If she become pregnant as a consequence of this assault, no pressure should be brought upon her to marry. As to whether she should continue or terminate the pregnancy, it is for her to decide on the course of action she should follow, taking into consideration medical and other relevant factors, and in the light of the Bahá'í Teachings. If she gives birth to a child as the result of rape, it is left to her discretion whether to seek financial support for the maintenance of the child from the father; however, his claim to any parental rights would, under Bahá'í law, be called into question, in view of the circumstances..

"Discipline of some sort, whether physical, moral, or intellectual is indeed indispensable, and no training can be said to be complete and fruitful if it disregards this element. The child when born is far from being perfect. It is not only helpless, but actually is imperfect, and even is naturally inclined toward evil. He should be trained, his natural inclinations harmonized, adjusted and controlled, and if necessary suppressed or regulated, so as to ensure his healthy physical and moral development. Bahá'í parents cannot simply adopt an attitude of non-resistance towards their children, particularly those who are unruly and violent by nature. It is not even sufficient that they should pray on their behalf. Rather they should endeavour to inculcate, gently and patiently, into their youthful minds such principles and teachings of the Cause with such tactful and loving care as would enable them to become "true sons of God" and develop into loyal and intelligent citizens of His Kingdom..."

While the physical discipline of children is an acceptable part of their education and training, such actions are to be carried out "gently and patiently" and with "loving care", far removed from the anger and violence with which children are beaten and abused in some parts of the world. To treat children in such an abhorrent manner is a denial of their human rights, and a betrayal of the trust which the weak should have in the strong in a Bahá'í community.

It is difficult to imagine a more reprehensible perversion of human conduct that the sexual abuse of children, which finds its most debased form in incest. At a time in the fortunes of humanity when, in the words of the Guardian,

"The perversion of human nature, the degradation of human conduct, the corruption and dissolution of human institutions, reveal themselves...in their worst and most revolting aspects, and when "the voice of human conscience is stilled", when "the sense of decency and shame is obscured," the Bahá'í institutions must be uncompromising and vigilant in their commitment to the protection of the children entrusted to their care, and must not allow either threats or appeals to expediency to divert them from their duty. A parent who is aware that the marriage partner is subjecting a child to such sexual abuse should not remain silent, but must take all necessary measures, with the assistance of the Spiritual Assembly or civil authorities if necessary, to bring about an immediate cessation of such grossly immoral behaviour, and to promote healing and therapy.

Bahá'u'lláh has placed great emphasis on the duties of parents toward their children, and He has urged children to have gratitude in their hearts for their parents, whose good pleasure they should strive to win as a means of pleasing God Himself. However, He has indicated that under certain circumstances, the parents could be deprived of their right to parenthood as a consequence of their actions. The Universal House of Justice has the right to legislate on this matter. It has decided for the present that all cases should be referred to it in which the conduct or character of a parent appears to render him unworthy of having such parental rights as that of giving consent to a marriage. Such questions could arise, for example, when a parent has committed incest, or when the child was conceived as the consequence of rape, and also when a parent consciously fails to protect the child from flagrant sexual abuse..

..it should be recognized that the ultimate solution to the problems of humanity lies not in penalties and punishments, but rather in spiritual education and illumination. 'Abdu'l-Bahá has written:

"It is incumbent upon human society to expend all its forces on the education of the people, and to copiously water men's hearts with the sacred steams that pour down from the realm of the All-Merciful, and to teach them the manners of heaven and spiritual ways of life, until every member of the community of man will be schooled, refined and exalted to such a degree of perfection that the very committing of a shameful act will seem in itself the direst infliction and most agonizing of punishments, and man will fly in terror and seek refuge in his God from the very idea of crime, as something far harsher and more grievous than the punishment assigned to it."

It is toward this goal that the community of the Greatest Name is striving, aided and reinforced by the limitless power of the Holy Spirit.

    (The Universal House of Justice, 1993 Jan 24, Violence Against Women, Sexual Abuse)

jr. youth group ~ trying to keep the momentum going

since the break-in, our jr. youth group -- 'Gems of Justice' -- has been struggling to keep the momentum going.  three of the members live quite far down the road in a different neighborhood and they have less incentive to meet.  they used to walk all the time to my house but now that no one from the neighborhood is allowed to enter the compound, we now meet outside on a concrete foundation of an unfinished house that's dirty, without privacy, without a computer with music, without a toilet, etc.. another challenge is that three of the members are older than 13 and are bored with the level of material in the Breezes of Confirmation book.  the last challenge is the ongoing demand from the mother of the 2 sisters who are expected to do a lot of work, despite all efforts to communicate and find a time that works best for their family.  this is how the story continues..

this past saturday's jr. youth group session was most unusual.  about 2 hours before we usually meet, a severe storm suddenly appeared and made everyone's activities shut down until it passed.  for the many families who live in wooden shacks, the storm was devastating.  roofs were blown off, floors were flooded, and some entire structures were blown over on their sides.. from my family's living room windows, we watched with awe and wonder at the might of the wind and the pounding of the rain.  we were protected from the storm while our neighbors were threatened in a way we'll never know..

it was still drizzling when it was time to meet for the session.  i thought i should still try and make it happen even though there would be no dry place to meet.  on the other side of the wall of our compound, the two sisters, Evelyn and Gifty, live in three shack-like structures alongside an unfinished cement foundation of a huge house that is owned by someone else.  when ayana and i arrived, we found the girls helping their mother in the structure that is used for cooking and storage.  no damage was done to any of their family's structures but i could see that the morning's laundry was soaking wet and puddles of mud surrounded their walkways.  they had quickly prepared to collect water from the storm by putting large basins outside around the cooking structure..

as ayana and i stood there against the side of the walkway, out of the thick of the mud, we held our umbrella over our heads and tried to keep my bag of materials dry from the drizzle.  a neighbor who sells goods was there, trying to recover from the storm after it had beaten upon the goods that she sells from a small wooden stand.  she was making us laugh as she sang about her troubles and enjoyed the plastic bag wrapped around her head to protect her hair from the rain..

after a few minutes of standing and talking about the storm, the girls' mother arranged for us to sit inside the structure.  it is constructed of wide slats of wood on a cement foundation.  the tin roof is nailed into tall wooden posts that extend beyond the walls on 2 sides.  this design enables light to enter through the open space between the roof and the walls.  although the doorway allows light in as well, most of the room is still quite dark..

one of the girls brought a plastic chair for me and a little stool for ayana.  i sat next to Mama Yaw as she made cassava in a pot over a charcoal fire.  the eldest daughter continually fanned the fire for at least 20 minutes until the cassava was cooking.  as she fanned the fire, her sister came and went in and out of the room, doing a variety of jobs that her mom requested -- wiping off a dirty table outside with a dirty, damp cloth from a basin of used water; dumping dried charcoal into a large basket; filling a basin with fresh water; and helping the neighbor carry containers of goods across the road to help her set up her selling stand again..

the floor of the room was thick with a black, dirty substance that was damp.  i thought i would slip on it as i walked to my chair.  my eye scoped out the space trying to figure out how the family organizes their life and sustains their well-being.  the room is cluttered with tools and wood, baskets and basins, a shelf with bowls and supplies, and a low table with matches, cloths, and more bowls..

as i sat there i started asking questions about how the cassava is made.  i was curious about the charcoal and learned how they burn wood to make the charcoal.  talking with the girls and their mama was full of laughter and little moments of helping the girls feel more comfortable talking with me, as they are quite shy.  the older one translates what i say to the mama, and what the mama says to me.  before long, Mama Yaw was 'inviting' me to try and stir the cassava.  i placed my feet up on the steel bars which anchor the pot and attempted to lift up the heavy, porridge-like mixture with the long, wooden spoon..but i struggled to turn it smoothly and effectively like Mama Yaw does.  the girls had a good laugh watching me try..

the storm brought us together in this unusual way and led to the moment when it crossed my mind to ask the question, 'What do you do with the cooking water that's in the basin when you are finished cooking?'  Giftie quickly replied that they throw it onto the ground by the house -- where nothing but dirt and broken concrete slabs lie.  i was able to explain to them that this is the water waste that can be tossed into the center of the keyhole garden each day.  it finally clicked for the girls!  i had encouraged them before when we were learning about the keyhole garden idea, but now that we were in a practical setting for this to happen, they were able to truly learn what i meant and apply that learning in a very real way.  this will now become a part of their work when they are cooking!  they were so happy to tell their mom what we were talking about so that she, too, could understand and help the keyhole garden be most effective.

soon another jr. youth came by, Emil.  he was all ready for the session with his Breezes of Confirmation booklet.  the four kids and i immediately started consulting about our next outing.  it's not exactly 'consultation' in the fullest, Baha'i sense but we try.  i make sure everyone feels encouraged to share and that everyone listens to each other's suggestions and tries to support them before moving on to a new idea, etc.. but in Africa, it takes a long time before the kids will be forthcoming with what they really want or what they really feel.  we're just now at a point in our group that half of them will easily say what they think or feel -- these are the ones who used to visit our home almost every day for tutoring, Devotions, storytelling and children's class.  the others still sit quietly in that passive mode of being talked to and receiving what is offered rather than contributing to the process.. the consultation that afternoon went very well because Gifty, who is very quiet, shook her head 'no' when i offered going to the beach, as some of the group did for the last outing.  the four of them were able to agree on going to see a waterfall, which sounds really nice.

at that point, another girl arrived and our session switched gears.  i suggested that we go to my place to fill up the water balloons for a game of tossing them.  we walked and talked together with the intent on everyone doing something to help make the game happen.  since none of the kids can enter the compound, i filled them up myself while they talked just inside the gate.  everything we experience together is what helps the group grow into its own identity.  this group session was about just being together.  i was pleased that 5 out of 9 of the group were together, despite the rain..

the balloon toss was fun.  the jr. youth were joined by 3 of the children who come to children's class.  this is an activity everyone always enjoys.  it was close to 6pm now and there was nowhere to sit outside, so i announced that i was going to leave.  Emil immediately suggested we have closing prayers.  this is a soul who is attracted to the spiritual excellence aspect of the jr. youth group.  i was elated and quickly took out a prayer book from my bag, as well as the Selection by Abdu'l-Baha which starts with 'Be in perfect unity..'  i gave the Selection to Gifty and we all formed a circle on the edge of her yard by the road.  once our eyes were closed, prayers and Selections were offered with sweet, pure hearts..

having a jr. youth group is multifaceted with sports, service, games and activities, but it has a core element of prayer, memorizing, and spiritual discourse while working through booklets that stretch the mind and heart in ways that help the kids strive toward spiritual excellence.  without this element it feels like we're just any other group of people hanging out and socializing.  today, we didn't begin with prayer or study and talk about anything relating to excellence, but after that closing moment of prayer together, i felt confirmed in the dynamic process of being a group when we make an effort to come together no matter what the circumstances.

after i left, the 3 boys that live down the road came by at 6pm to see if we were still meeting.  i appreciated that they did make an effort even though it was too late..  at last week's session, the few who came consulted and decided to meet every other week where these 3 boys live to make it fair.. the last boy who didn't come at all today is 15; he is genuinely interested in the group but was introduced to it too late and has other commitments in his life -- that afternoon he was expected to help his family repair one of their shacks that blew over on its side..

it's not easy to keep the momentum going, but there's nothing else in my heart but a willingness to try.

mother's day..humble souls make my day

yesterday was Mother's Day.  i woke up and made my family a special breakfast of sauteed vegetables with an omelette and sticky rice.  sunday mornings are a great time for us to eat breakfast together and yesterday was no exception.  i received a lot of soft kisses on my nose from my beloved husband who had just shaved and my heart was bubbling with appreciation and joy..

for the most part, our family doesn't outwardly celebrate these kinds of holidays.  we tend to be different than most people, or just not the typical family.  we do tend to cherish and celebrate each other very often, usually with a note or at the dinner table or with an enjoyable experience that we all share together..

as the day progressed, after expressing my love for my dear mom and step-mom who live so far away, i found myself thinking a lot about Monica, my friend whose 4 children have permeated our lives for about a year now.  she lives one block away, down the dirt road behind our compound, and she shines with the brightness of the sun every time i come to visit her.  'Aunty Pamela!' she exclaims, often running with a great big smile toward the cement wall that usually separates us.  it is Monica from whom i purchase eggs, tomatoes and onions regularly.  we communicate mostly with the love we have in our hearts more so than many words.  we both feel exceeding amounts of joy when in each others' presence..

sitting next to Monica while celebrating a birthday

i decided to send her an sms with greetings of love for Mother's Day and put together a bag of things from our home to give her family.  two of the items were specifically for her:  locally made ground nut butter (peanut butter - the best i've ever had!) and a package of chocolate chip cookies from the store.  i added items that her children need and like such as pencils, markers, pens, scotch tape, matches, and some Baha'i kids' materials.  on their own, our boys added a container of small toys for Monica's boys which was very sweet.. i soon received an sms reply from Monica, written by her 19 year old daughter, Katrin:

"With luv...i wish..U..a happymother's day...n may God bless u...n live long.."

it is such a lovely message.  my heart filled with gratitude for the soulful bond of friendship we have developed..

a bit later i sms'd Monica again, asking if she could send one of the kids over to pick something up.  since we were having a day together as a family, i had decided not to deliver it to her myself.  when the guard knocked on my door, i knew it was Monica's children coming for the bag so i quickly grabbed it and ran to greet them at the gate.  upon seeing each other we hugged and sat down on the curb to hang out for a short while..it was during this short visit with these kids that my heart was embraced by a moment of sadness, for i really miss sharing our life with them in our home.  i am still recovering from the changes that have resulted from the break-in..

my day was coming to a close as our family's storytelling time began shortly after dinner.  we were each sharing details of when Mulla Husayn met the Bab for the first time.  this has become a weekly event on Sunday evenings for over a year now -- the kids stand up and share stories from memory, followed by a lively, musical Devotions.  we were having a lovely time when there was a loud knock on the door -- it was Emil, Magdelene and Joshua with a Mother's Day card that they had made for me!  i was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude, love and humility, to be the recipient of such love from these tenderhearted souls.  Monica's children touch my heart with a purity of motive that is highly desired in the sight of God.  i felt so blessed to receive this sentimental gift from them with expressions of their love for me!

our family finished storytelling time with songs and prayers of love for God.  as everyone began to go upstairs to floss and brush teeth, i checked my cell phone and saw that a most dear Xhosa family -- whom we love and miss from our days in Cape Town -- sent a message for Mother's Day with so much love that i felt like crying..i really miss South Africa.

perhaps 5 minutes later, the phone rang and it was another Xhosa family calling to send their love for Mother's Day!  this is a friend whose son went to my kids' school in Cape Town; we became close friends as a result of me taking her son to my home after school many times a week.  after the initial excitement of greeting each other, Mayandie started apologizing for not being able to sms me back in a long time..then the call cut off.  she had used up all of her credit -- so i called her back and we talked as quickly as we could to catch up with each others' lives.  it was one of the special moments of the day when i heard from a friend who lives in South Africa and who has no money to spare yet she managed to have enough to buy credit for a long distance call.  this means so much to me..

i have come to realize in my life that my heart is drawn like a magnet to humble souls -- they remind me what it means to be genuine, have a pure heart, work hard without complaining, endure patiently while suffering, and to appreciate everything in life..

yesterday a handful of dear, humble souls reached out to me -- all of whom are African, and all touch my life in a powerful way.  sharing friendship with other mothers is such a special part of Mother's Day.. and for my life on the African continent, humble souls make my day.

Bahiyyih Khanum..greatest example of servitude to God

a dear friend, Nava Sarracino, forwarded this excerpt to me today.  it depicts the highest embodiment of Baha'i character and servitude toward God.  Bahiyyih Khanum represented every Baha'i value and principle during her lifetime, but especially when the Guardian passed away in 1957 -- she was the one to whom everyone turned to represent the Baha'i Faith until the Universal House of Justice was elected in 1963.

*********

Quote from Marjory Morten, a Western Pilgrim, who describes some of the attributes of Bahá’íyyih Khánum:

“You were sure that if one tried to hurt her she would wish to console him for his own cruelty.  For her love was unconditioned, could penetrate disguise and see hunger behind the mask of fury, and she knew that the most brutal self is secretly hoping to find gentleness in another.  She had that rarest heart-courage, - to uncover the very quick of tenderness to any need.  And so deep was her understanding that she plumbed all the miseries of the human heart and read their significance, 

blessing both the victim and the valid pain itself.  

So alive was she to the source of all bounty that she had no consciousness of her own bounty.  When she made a gift she seemed to be thanking you for it.  The prompting included gratitude.  When she gave joy she blessed you for it.  It was almost as if she did not distinguish giving from receiving … 

She took nothing for granted in the way of devoted service and even in her last hours she whispered or smiled her thanks for every littlest ministration … She delighted in making presents, - sweetmeats and goodies and coins for the children, and for others flowers, keepsakes, - a vial of attar of roses, a rosary, or some delicate thing that she had used and cared for.  Anything that was given her she one day gave to someone else, someone in whom she felt a special need of a special favour. 

She was channel rather than cup; open treasury, 
not locked casket.

And as she would not lock away her small treasures, neither would she store up her wisdom and her riches of experience.  In her, experience left no bitter ash.  Her flame transmuted all of life, even its crude and base particles, into gold.  And this gold she spent.  Her wisdom was of the heart.  

She never reduced it to formula or precept: we have no wise sayings of hers that we can hang motto-like on our walls, just by being what she was she gave us all that she knew.

… Something greater than forgiveness she had shown in meeting the cruelties and strictures in her own life.  To be hurt and to forgive is saintly but far beyond this is the power to comprehend and not to be hurt.  This power she had … She was never known to complain or lament.  It was not that she made the best of things, but that she found in everything, even in calamity itself, the germs of enduring wisdom.  She did not resist the shocks and upheavals of life and she did not run counter to obstacles.  

She was never impatient.  She was as incapable of impatience as she was of revolt.  But this was not so much long-suffering as it was quiet awareness of the forces that operate in the hours of waiting and inactivity.  Always she moved with the larger rhythm, the wider sweep, toward the ultimate goal.  Surely, confidently, she followed the circle of her orbitaround the Sun of her existence, in that complete acquiescence, that perfect accord, which underlies faith itself.”

Quoted in Baharieh Rouhani Má’ání, Leaves of the Twin Divine Trees, pp. 222-223

a searching soul..Magdalene

there is a gem of a little girl named magdelene who i find myself cherishing more and more each time i see her.  she is 10 years old.  she's very, very quiet and yet inquisitive, clever, thoughtful, tender and purehearted in her way of demonstrating her personality.  tonight she came to our 'sunday night storytelling'.  she didn't talk with anyone but offered one prayer when it was time for Devotions.  before saying goodbye to me she asked gently, 'Auntie Pamela, may i please have a storybook about the Baha'i Faith?'  it was so, so sweet and genuine.  her heart has been touched by the spirit of Baha'u'llah without me speaking with her directly.  i offered her Joyce Liggitt's book, The Life of Baha'u'llah.  it is written for young souls.  she was very happy to receive it..

about 20 minutes later, after the boys were tucked in and we were in the kitchen talking with ayana, cleaning up for the night, there was a knock on the door.  it was magdelene.  she came to ask how to pronounce many of the Persian words in the book: Qa'im, Asiyih Khanum, Mihdi, etc.  i felt my heart growing with immense love for this little soul, this precious heart that is seeking to understand what the Baha'i Faith is all about, all on her own.  it feels like such a bounty to witness a soul searching for union with God..

water. woman. carrying a precious load

this morning i heard a lot of commotion outside so i looked out of my bedroom window and saw women filling up water from the other side of the wall.  jugs were sitting on top of the wall for my neighbor while other women found another location to fill up their jugs.  a pipe had busted.  free water for the neighborhood.  i saw Magdelene, my 10 year old friend, in her school uniform carrying an empty jug and spoke to her for a moment, as she was consumed with her task at hand.

example of Ghanaian girls working during school days

families are struggling to provide enough water for their families.  i constantly see kids and adults walking from unknown distances and locations to bring water back to their homes.  people have figured out very well how to store the water in jugs, using basins for water that doesn't need to be kept clean.  it is quite impressive to me to see people managing to carry heavy containers of water with their arms, on their hips and on their heads.

as i watched many women doing this while walking along the dirt road, all i could think about was the preciousness of water.  every drop that spilled out of their open basins was not able to be used for washing or cooking.  even though i think i appreciate having running water entering our home through a system of pipes, i know i don't appreciate it enough.  i am conservative and utilize techniques to reuse, redistribute or save, but i only begin to enter that sphere of true appreciation when there is an emergency and we have no water pouring out of our faucets or flushing through our toilets.  it is at that moment that i can no longer rinse my hands, a task i do probably hundreds of times a day.  we manage to have back-up jugs of water for rinsing but we must stop doing all of the daily activities which use much water: cooking, washing dishes and clothes, taking a shower and flushing the toilets..

while looking out of the window daydreaming, praying & longing to help but wondering if it would take away their dignity, i noticed a laughing dove with a twig in its beak.  it was perched on top of the barbed wire.  i watched it hop to the next arch of the wire and was curious where it was going to take this twig.  a few minutes later it hopped down to the top of the wall which separates us from our neighbors and hopped toward a bunch of small branches and leaves that were resting along the wall.  to my joyful surprise i saw another morning dove sitting on top of the beginning of a nest!  she was there to receive what he brought her every few minutes for the 10 minutes i watched them.  she maneuvered the twigs with her beak and somehow managed to twist them in a manner that would enable them to be secure for them.  it was beautiful and amazing to watch.  i was mesmerized.  it made me think of how typical it is for the husband to work outside of the home and bring back sustenance for the family, while the wife is typically home waiting to receive the sustenance and make good use of it for the family.

like two wings of a bird, men and women must support each other in their family life and in the workload in order for the family to be able to soar.  humanity is far from recognizing and appreciating the hard work women contribute to family life, but to me, it is precious.

human savagery

Congolese woman and child fleeing from destruction

i cannot stop thinking about one of the world's worst atrocities against women: rape in war.  any form of rape is horrible, but the women who bear the greatest scars seem to be those who were the victims of war's brutality.

Congolese soldier

the subject is more than i can bear to dwell on, yet it is such a horrific and prevalent worldwide reality of war that i find myself needing to acknowledge it -- to give it a voice rather than let it continue to persist in silence.

those who bear the unthinkable crime against their bodies are left without a voice, without visible battle wounds, without societal support, and without their dignity restored.  they bear scars that do not heal.



 

the world is suffering and sick with great spiritual diseases -- i know any change begins with me, with my spiritual strength, with my own pure and goodly deeds.  in order to banish the darkness of ignorance, brutality, violence and hatred, we must become (and remain!) beacons of light.  not just a flickering light but a bright beam of light -- full of purity, hope, and servitude.  it requires tireless exertions to raise children, especially boys, to know deeply within their souls that women and men are two wings of the bird of humanity.  the spiritual man will never resort to the degradation of women -- and he would view such horrific acts as degradating to the core of his own soul.  each passing day is either an opportunity to help the world of humanity or let it languish on its bed of sickness.  i'm clinging to the cord of faith through living a life of service to and love for humanity, one soul at a time.

"There is nothing so heart-breaking and terrible as an outburst of human savagery!

"I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content.

"Thoughts of love are constructive of brotherhood, peace, friendship, and happiness.

"When soldiers of the world draw their swords to kill, soldiers of God clasp each other's hands! So may all the savagery of man disappear by the Mercy of God, working through the pure in heart and the sincere of soul. Do not think the peace of the world an ideal impossible to attain!

"Nothing is impossible to the Divine Benevolence of God."

(Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 28)

story: life in ghana

we are staying at a guest house in Accra until we find a house to live in.  we have been here for 2 months and it continues to be an interesting experience, to say the least.

yesterday the boys kicked the soccer ball over the tall wall of the compound into the adjacent cemetery. they explained to me that their 2 friends didn't want to enter the cemetery alone. so i did the natural thing and jumped up from my seat, slid on my sandals, walked down the stairs, opened the heavy gate of the compound and began walking around the side of the compound along a rocky, dirt path that often smells like urine by the time it reaches the intersecting market-lined street.

about half a block down the market-lined road we entered through an opening of a cement wall that looked like we were entering an abandoned lot. tall grass was interspersed with rows of baby cornstalks, the tiniest chickens i've ever seen, and about 15 old tombstones. i followed the two local boys along the dirt pathway which led to the family's home. set partly under an old, large tree, the light blue colored, wooden home had 2 young women sitting in the doorway braiding hair. after a friendly greeting, i noticed their surprise that i could say 'thank you' in the local 'twi' language. they gave their permission for the boys to retrieve the ball and went back to braiding.

i realize now that i didn't take in much detail of the home itself. i was immediately attracted to the woman who woke up from her nap. she sat up on the bench which was put together with scrap pieces of wood, and with a bright smile she motioned for me to come sit next to her. we were under the tree -- in front of us was a dirt courtyard area; behind us were many baby cornstalk plants in perfect rows shooting up as a result of the rainy season that began last month. in the corner of the garden area was a large compost area next to a shed.

after sharing some greetings in twi, the elderly woman explained what all of the tattoos on her arms and legs meant. the young woman came over and explained to me in english what the woman was saying -- apparently the tattoos were very painful but she was proud of them: gardening shears, a scorpion, a butterfly, a bird & a watch (on her wrist). just when i was in the moment of this special moment, the boys returned with the ball. we hugged and said goodbye.

it felt like i walked into a world that was rich with stories of survival, cooperation, innovation and dignity. it reminded me of the kind of movie, like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, where a child enters a whole new world which is magically connected with yet completely different from the one from which the child lives in. we are staying in a giant guest house in a neighborhood full of big homes and large yards. behind us is a world of full of material poverty. 

i like entering new worlds and find myself drawn to the ones with less material comforts yet more humility and love -- it is there i find myself full of joy.  the woman in the cemetery is one of God's gems in the web of humanity's oneness; she enriched my life in that short moment together.

Bittersweet: The cocoa industry

i am learning about the cocoa industry.  while it entices my digestive enzymes for chocolate, the industry in general increases my desire for justice and sustainability because it is dominated by powerful companies, moneymakers and landowners who have very little regard for the farmers who do all the hard work to harvest the cacao beans. 

In addition to the issues of justice for the farmers, it is important, also, to consider the ecological implications for the farmland.  There are challenges for growing cacao trees:

• It only thrives in climates 20 degrees north and south of the equator;
• It must be planted next to taller trees whose leaves will protect it from direct sun and high wind;
• It is susceptible to pests and disease which routinely destroy one-third of the world’s yearly crop.

In addition, the trees are not very productive. Consider:

• A tree must be five or six years old before it will bear fruit.
• Each tree bears about 30 usable pods a year, which translates to roughly 1000 beans a year.
• It takes 500 beans to make 1 pound of bittersweet chocolate – so in the best of circumstances, each tree produces beans for only 2 pounds of chocolate.

Most of us from America and Europe have grown up clueless about this industry.  We have been spoiled with an abundance of opportunities to eat chocolate.  This is true for most of the industries of the world -- we have to go searching to find some rare headline about the injustices and abuses against farmers in the world, or to discover the very difficult procedures and processes that raw materials experience by the hands of these farmers.  For the first time in my life, i am discovering what is involved before a bar of chocolate reaches the market.  What i am learning is that almost all of the millions of farmers (including children) who grow and prepare the cacao beans receive very poor wages for their labor in this lucrative industry.

Fair trade is a relatively new concept but is gradually making strides for a relatively small number of farmers.
Presently, cocoa sold with the Fair Trade label still captures a very low share of the cocoa market (0.1%).
by fair trade agreements there are now stories of individuals feeling empowered and economically secure. The important thing now is for me to change my habit of purchasing chocolate that isn't grown by fair trade.  I enjoy Snickers bars, Reeses peanut butter cups, Duncan Hines brownie mixes, and Nestle's semi-sweet chocolate chips!  I have steered away from the organic chocolate because it is expensive.  But now that i have knowledge, i can make no excuse to justify my purchase of these kinds of products.  I must abstain or admit that i am supporting the industry.  Every soul in this world is loved by God; we are one family.  If one suffers, I suffer.  Essentially there is no separation amongst us....

His Holiness Bahá'u'lláh has given instructions regarding every one of the questions confronting humanity. He has given teachings and instructions with regard to every one of the problems with which man struggles. Among them are (the teachings) concerning the question of economics that all the members of the body politic may enjoy through the working out of this solution the greatest happiness, welfare and comfort without any harm or injury attacking the general order of things. Thereby no difference or dissension will occur. No sedition or contention will take place. This solution is this:


First and foremost is the principle that to all the members of the body politic shall be given the greatest achievements of the world of humanity. Each one shall have the utmost welfare and well-being. To solve this problem we must begin with the farmer; there will we lay a foundation for system and order because the peasant class and the agricultural class exceed other classes in the importance of their service. In every village there must be established a general storehouse which will have a number of revenues.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Foundations of World Unity, p. 39)

Congolese rape

"Women must make the greatest effort to acquire spiritual power

and to increase in the virtue of wisdom and holiness 

until their enlightenment and striving succeeds in bringing about the unity of mankind."

 (Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 163)

Women are being raped as casualties of war.  It is one of the most horrendous crimes against a woman.  I rely on prayer to help console their souls.  The injustice of rape, the indescribable pain of rape, and the long-lasting scars of rape can never be adequately portrayed. 

I keep thinking of how Baha'u'llah has given us insight into the reality of this life, that it is really a portal for our soul to gain the spiritual qualities which will be utilized in the worlds of God when we pass from this world.  It is these same qualities which we know will usher in the Most Great Peace.  Women have a most special role in this Day, like never before.  When i hear of atrocities against women, i am forced to remember that it must serve a greater purpose, strengthening them in a way i can only imagine, that once they are healed of infirmities of the body, their spirit is more powerful than any man's injustice against her.

It is as if a rape victim's life has become a sacrifice for humanity's advancement toward peace.  That sacrifice is her greatest gain if seen from a spiritual perspective.  Yet we cannot just accept the injustice.  We cannot sit idly and silently while she suffers.  We must strive to spread the divine Teachings and conquer the hatred and administer justice to those who violate a woman's dignity.

My breathing is consciously in a state of prayer for these women, for women everywhere...

early Babi women

i am hoping others will be awe-inspired and reflect on the post from a blog that wrote about early Babi women: strawberryface: footnotes.  my thoughts are centered on the unimaginable yet real story of what women in general, but specifically these first believers in the Bab, have endured at the hands of oppressors throughout history.

i am a woman who always wondered what life in general was like for women at different periods and places in time..even now. it is true, as the strawberry-face author explains, that women are not the ones writing history, and we are left out of history. it is written by men, for men. it rarely touches, if at all, on any reality of what women's lives experience in general, let alone in the face of war and tyranny.

thank you, strawberry-face, for touching my heart with the story of the early Babi women which was beautifully described by Shoghi Effendi, the Guardian of the Baha'i Faith in God Passes By.   i am certain that the women of this Age will continue to arise to capture history from a woman's perspective.

Delft ~ a continual journey of joy, serving & learning

an exciting experience happened yesterday in Delft. i had let the friends there know that i would come at 10am to sell clothes which would raise money for the classes, even if only a tiny bit was offered for each item. this was a suggestion by a Bahá'í and then welcomed by the few people who i had informed. i came while the children were in school. when i arrived, a group of children (some of whom should be in school) started jumping up and down and telling people i was there. they were sitting outside this empty, but new, metal container (the kind used to ship goods around the world, but here it is something valuable to be used in various ways) where i was to set out the items. the mamas started coming and naturally and appreciatively took interest in most of the things available (really nice stuff!). i let it be up to them how much to offer, and one of them who supports the classes was responsible for collecting the money. i was soooo happy to see it happening -- i was outside enjoying the children while the mamas spoke Xhosa and seemed to be negotiating amongst themselves, with moments of laughter, who would get what.

after it settled down, 4 of them sat down on the edge of the container and we all shared some snacks together that i had in my pocketbook. this sounds like a normal happening, but it’s so different because i seem to bring foods they have either never had or they haven’t had in a long time. today it was oatmeal shortbread (cindy ravines’ recipe) and some dried apricots and almonds. i can’t understand what comments they are making, but i can see they are having an experience of discovery and enjoyment. the children receive their portion and eagerly wait for more until one of the mamas says something to make them all immediately step away.

during our conversation, they told me 2 women took a lot but only paid a little -- they felt it was unfair and that next time i should put prices on the items. this felt presumptuous to me so we consulted and agreed that they themselves would put the prices on. they assured me that they know who can and can’t afford a particular price, and would make sure everyone paid what they could afford. this was amazing to me. they know the money is for the children’s classes. they know it’s a good deal to receive all these clothes and linens, and they want to establish a sense of justice about it!

a little later Siboleke came by -- whenever i see him (the community leader) i feel like something is progressing or developing between us in terms of understanding and mutual support. today he informed me that he’s been talking with the people of the community and they all feel this is a good thing for their children (!). i was so happy to receive this confirmation. he feels more parents should be involved so they can further encourage their children with what they are learning, so now i know how he responds to them when they discuss what’s happening on Saturday mornings.

at one point i was sitting in the middle of the road with 3 children on my lap while the one in front of me just started singing song after song that we’ve learned in class!! it was so sweet. so we sang, did hand movements, and even learned a couple new ones just with her (i tested them out on her to gauge whether or not the class would learn them easily or not).  hanging out with the children leaves me wishing i had endless time, means and energy to help develop their inner and outer faculties. it’s simply love.

before i left, i asked Nthombekhaya (it took me weeks and weeks to learn how to say that name before i finally wrote it down and could phonetically see it in my mind) if she wanted to learn how to drive. she is an adult in her 30’s but has never been behind the wheel. at first i drove and explained what to do (it’s a stick shift!), and then she practiced on her own (while nearly crashing into property off the street a couple of times!). i was like, ‘brake, brake!’ at one point, but we had so much fun i can’t wait to do it again sometime. there’s another mama who wants to learn as well, so i said, ‘little by little we’ll make sure you learn how to drive’.

i thought a lot about this the rest of the day -- they cannot drive; they may not have the means to purchase a car; i learned as a youth; i have had the privilege of exploring and being free to take myself places for 23 years…but i keep wondering what i haven’t experienced, what i do not have the means to discover or be able to do as they have. i know they have a rich, rich sense of culture and history, of connectedness and support, of music and knowledge of survival… in many ways our lives are full of contrasts, without similarities. yet, of course, our spiritual oneness connects us like no other force in this world, so i continue to enjoy the camaraderie in what we do share and enjoy together, especially when we can joke together!

when i left Delft today i wanted to come right back. i want to begin a Bahá'í school, a place of growing food and learning nutrition and practicing permaculture, of learning English and the sciences, holding it all together within the Bahá'í framework of the oneness of humanity and world peace.