Westgate attack

people coming together as one

the helicopters continue to fly above our home.  it's been 27 hours since the Westgate mall was attacked.  we live a couple of miles from the mall.  we were there that morning. 

we found our grocery receipt from that day -- it reads 12:03pm.  the gunmen were probably in the upper parking lot by that time.  shots were reported soon after we left.  we usually shop there on Saturday afternoons..but not yesterday.  by the grace of God and His Will we were inspired to leave our home earlier to avoid the crowds and have most of the day at home to unpack our shipment which had just arrived on Friday.

we keep pondering what would have happened if we were there..

"There has been a revival of religious fanaticism in all parts of the globe, and among people of varied faiths. It is a truly worldwide phenomenon and, in our view, a deeply disturbing one, for religious fanaticism breeds hatred and violence. We need not look far to find numerous examples in the world today of the civil strife, terror and human suffering that religious fanaticism has wreaked upon religious communities and entire nations. Its pernicious influence can be found at the root of all too many of the wars, conflicts and other ills undermining peace in the world, including the problem of terrorism.

"Fanaticism represents a perversion of religion and is directly contrary to the humane teachings brought by the Founders of all the great religions of the world. We believe that the purpose of every religion has been to promote unity among all the peoples of the world, and to outlaw war and violence in human affairs. All the major religions have taught the "Golden Rule." The violence and disruption associated with religious fanaticism testifies to its spiritual emptiness. Fanaticism destroys the very foundations of human solidarity by dividing the world into contending factions, each believing itself to be superior to others and to have an exclusive claim on religious truth. These actions and attitudes negate the very purpose of religion."

~ Baha'i International Community, 1987 Mar 03, Eliminating Religious Intolerance

*****

"From the seed of reality, religion has grown into a tree which has put forth leaves and branches, blossoms and fruit. After a time this tree has fallen into a condition of decay. The leaves and blossoms have withered and perished; the tree has become stricken and fruitless. It is not reasonable that man should hold to the old tree, claiming that its life forces are undiminished, its fruit unequaled, its existence eternal.

The seed of reality must be sown again in human hearts in order that a new tree may grow therefrom and new divine fruits refresh the world. By this means the nations and peoples now divergent in religion will be brought into unity, imitations will be forsaken and a universal brotherhood in the reality itself will be established. Warfare and strife will cease among mankind; all will be reconciled as servants of God. For all are sheltered beneath the tree of His providence and mercy.

God is kind to all; He is the giver of bounty to all alike, even as His Holiness Jesus Christ has declared that God "sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust"; that is to say, the mercy of God is universal. All humanity is under the protection of His love and favor, and unto all He has pointed the way of guidance and progress."

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 226

conduct ~ stretching spiritual muscles

"O ye friends of God! Show ye an endeavor that all the nations and communities of the world, even the enemies, put their trust, assurance and hope in you; that if a person falls into errors for a hundred-thousand times he may yet turn his face to you, hopeful that you will forgive his sins; for he must not become hopeless, neither grieved nor despondent. This is the conduct and the manner of the people of Baha'..."

    ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v2, p. 436

trash piling up while waiting for the owner to supply the bin

i have studied this quote and always thought of it as something quite extraordinary.  i could not imagine one person i know falling into errors 100,000 times let alone being able to forgive that person and bring hope and consolation to his heart..

i have been facing continuous 'errors' for three weeks by the owner and contractors of the house we recently moved into.  their blatant and repeated lack of honesty and trustworthiness, unreliability and poor workmanship have combined to create a situation in which i started thinking and speaking negatively toward them.

i couldn't accept their lack of morals graciously.  i couldn't embrace the incompetency of work or craftsmanship.  the virtues of God felt far from my reach -- patience and understanding were not springing up within my heart.  internally i felt contempt and a bit of rage.  worst of all, i couldn't rely on or trust anyone..

after a week of being bombarded by accumulated 'errors', i was no longer able to cooperate peacefully with them at all.  i had started raising my voice and speaking impolitely.  i recognized that it was time to center myself spiritually.  i started asking my husband to work with them when he was home.  i retreated or kept my distance as much as possible.  whatever prayerful state i was in when i awoke in the morning was gone by noon.  too many compounded, insidious occurrences that brought all of my spiritual weaknesses to the surface..

i had to look at myself and honestly assess what qualities of God i needed to grow in.  this situation was beyond the normal sense of bringing myself to account each day.  i had developed an all-consuming attitude of irritability and complaint that needed serious attention.  i had lost that radiant, pure-hearted joy which depicts my way of life.  i typically live each day consciously mindful of the suffering of the peoples of the world, so how could i be so frustrated and not able to willingly accept the hardships that come along with material life (like an oven we bought within our budget, not knowing it has to be lit with a match or that the metal rack is so flimsy i cannot put a heavy glass dish on it)?  how could i complain about the repeated inability of the plumber to fix the leaks when my neighbors don't even have indoor plumbing?  how could i feel contempt for the owner of the house who has broken his word every time while we are fortunate to even live in a spacious, new house?  it made me feel deeply conflicted and frozen with shame because i could not empty my heart or mind of these negative feelings..

i shared how i was feeling with my husband and listened to his observations.  he pointed out first that my excessive complaining about the material aspects of the house (broken faucets, newly installed cabinets covered with contact paper, a washing machine that moves violently no matter what we've tried, poor drainage and lack of sealant around the windows) was conveying to our children that it's acceptable to complain.  he then explained how we chose to live in Africa -- how we must accept the good and the bad, so to speak.  he also shared how it helps him to not get upset by what other people do because everyone answers to God; it's our duty to be detached from the conditions and circumstances of this life and material world.

i was moved to see how my behavior was making a negative imprint on the children's life experience.  i felt like all of my husband's points were true and valid -- i love being on this continent  and deeply know that i must focus on my own spiritual deficiencies while facing every test or challenge in this life as God's way of perfecting my soul.  it made me realize that my inability to overcome being irritated was not just a combination of having high expectations of moral conduct along with the expectation that goods and services will be of the best quality.  i also have an attachment to not wanting to lower my standard of living.  i feel like i have already chosen a life outside of America that is less comfortable with less conveniences -- this situation of compounded 'errors' toward me, however, revealed that i am still holding on to a good quality kitchen, washing machine, wardrobe, plumbing, etc.

now it was up to me to put forth a mighty effort, with full determination, to change my perspective and actually practice the virtue of detachment (ie., not being negatively affected by any situation).  everything in my life that is beyond my control is God's Will.  the key for me is to attain that inner power of detachment from this world, through my love for Him, which enables me to cling to God and surrender to His Will.

i started this process by observing silence and offering a prayer whenever feeling the urge to complain about anything negative situation.  i am still reminding myself to use these 'errors' as perfect opportunities to grow in the qualities of God.  this has always been how i view my struggles and suffering, but this situation was new territory for my soul, a new challenge that was stretching my spiritual muscles.  i'm still very far from the spiritual standard that someone 'must not become hopeless, neither grieved nor despondent' after many errors, but it feels better no longer being consumed by negative emotions..

for the first time in my life, this counsel of Abdu'l-Baha has touched my life in a practical way by helping me begin to try and apply it.  these words have served as the source of inspiration and guidance for me to overcome my lower nature and tap into my spiritually potential.  i continue to recite and reflect on it each day.  i am still striving to have a pure heart when faced with this ongoing situation, but am now able to bring to mind the high standard of offering hope and forgiveness to those who have wronged me.  i am also consciously trying to accept every material hardship as a means for my spirit to grow as well.  as the creative spirit in the Word of God mysteriously works on our souls, the frustration and anger can be transformed into wisdom and sincerity if i make constant exertions to exercise these qualities of God within my soul..

as my never-ending spiritual journey evolves, i rely on the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha:

"The root cause of wrongdoing is ignorance, and we must therefore hold fast to the tools of perception and knowledge. Good character must be taught. Light must be spread afar, so that, in the school of humanity, all may acquire the heavenly characteristics of the spirit, and see for themselves beyond any doubt that there is no fiercer hell, no more fiery abyss, than to possess a character that is evil and unsound; no more darksome pit nor loathsome torment than to show forth qualities which deserve to be condemned.

The individual must be educated to such a high degree that he would rather have his throat cut than tell a lie, and would think it easier to be slashed with a sword or pierced with a spear than to utter calumny or be carried away by wrath.

Thus will be kindled the sense of human dignity and pride, to burn away the reapings of lustful appetites. Then will each one of God's beloved shine out as a bright moon with qualities of the spirit, and the relationship of each to the Sacred Threshold of his Lord will be not illusory but sound and real, will be as the very foundation of the building, not some embellishment on its facade."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 136

living..with lymphoma

dad needs to receive saline in his bloodstream every other day.  this is done at home as part of the system of healthcare he's receiving.  a nurse comes twice a week to draw his blood and someone else from a lab picks it up to have it tested.  the next day dad will receive a call to let him know if his blood is low in platelets and/or hemoglobin.  if so, later that day he will have to go to the hospital for a blood transfusion.

this is dad paying the bill at his favorite local diner where he likes to eat breakfast, the Moorestown Cafe.  he took me there for my first time last weekend.  the regulars greeted him warmly and affectionately, seeing that he's come a long way with his struggle over the cancer.  they come and sit with us as dad shares his current trials and victories.  i can see that he is fully himself as he tells his stories and makes them laugh with his light-hearted jokes and humor.

this is dad's desk.  he has been accumulating post-it notes for his business for more than 30 years.  he finally has a computer to input his sales, but the majority of his business dealings are on paper..all around him.

he comes into his office almost every morning, depending on whether he feels up to it or not.  he likes talking on the phone with his customers and they like his way of caring, being reliable and sending little gifts in the mail with their order.

this video is dad waiting for his food to come where he gets his blood transfusion.  they treat him like a king, putting warmed blankets around his shoulders and over his legs.  he has a flat screen tv with a touch screen to choose whatever he'd like to watch for the couple of hours he'll be sitting there.  he likes to nap half way through the procedure after he's eaten..

dad is living..with cancer.  he chooses to be happy and think in positive ways all throughout his days.  he says his life is in God's hands..he has surrendered to the Will of God and celebrates each day of his life this way.

the sweetness in the scorn

 our jr. youth group, 'gems of justice', painted a wall that belongs to 2 of the brothers in the group.  their mom, monica, is featured in a previous post.  this family allowed us to bring a brightly colored message of their joy to one of the walls surrounding their compound.

the kids bonded while cooperating to share the paints, consulting about what it would look like, and through laughter while expressing themselves in joyful, silly ways.

we began the project a half hour before sunset.  it attracted a bunch of kids and some adults who stopped by and partook of the excitement and enthusiasm of the group.  there was one car that rode by and yelled out that we shouldn't be painting the wall like that, but Monica responded with 'pay him no mind.'

by sunset they were finished and feeling proud of their work.  we celebrated with some photos and jumping up and down. :)  it was such a 'happening' as my grammum would call it -- a moment shared together where the energy is very positive and everyone feels present, very conscious that this is a wonderful memory shared together.  the group and i left a bit suddenly when it became dark so i could be home to break the fast.  my heart was uplifted to turn around and see the wall and the kids running around with joy.  we shared Devotions together before the jr. youth left -- a perfect way to end the day.  my heart felt full of the beauty of what a jr. youth group is all about: positive, service-oriented, high-minded activities all done in the spirit of striving for spiritual and material excellence.  the theme of 'confirmation' fills their minds and is gradually translating into actions.

this morning i received a knock on my front door.  it was the security guard explaining that a man came to the gate complaining about the words painted on the wall.  he had heard that the idea came from someone living in my compound -- the guards knew it was me because of us coming in and out with paints that day.. the guy insisted that the words on the wall be covered with paint.

i could feel my emotions starting to stir.  another complaint.  more scorn to sour the sweetness of good deeds.  the sweetness of children's joy.  the sweetness of collaborating with families and building trust through friendships.

the guard explained that it seemed like the guy who said we have to paint was a government official.  the view of this guard and Monica is that the government knows they aren't 'doing their job' so to speak and they feel threatened by any public messages having to do with development.

as i gathered the paintbrush and can of white paint leftover from the outdoor benches we had made, i could feel my heart ready to burst with sadness.  my sensitivity to injustice..my nagging prejudice against those who profess to be leaders but who are corrupted by selfish desires, dishonesty and arrogance..my lingering pain from the next door neighbor who called to ask us to stop having the kids come to our compound..

when i was at the gate, the guard offered to help me.  i acquiesced.  i was in no mood to be self-sufficient.  we walked silently up the dirt road.  i stared at the wall painting with a heavy heart, not knowing how to be positive and wise when it's time to tell the jr. youth group what happened.  monica approached the edge of the wall and sweetly greeted me with a smile on her face, 'auntie pamela'.  when i looked into her pure-hearted face full of radiance and eyes that emit great humbleness, i softly uttered, 'sorry' and the tears began to pour out of my eyes.

monica hugged me and they both started explaining that this is an issue with the government official.  my mind knows what they are saying but my heart needs time to catch up with being able to understand.  as my head rested against monica's chest, i listened to her calm heartbeat.  she speaks little english but our bond is of the soul.  she comforted me when i was vulnerable and she didn't let go until i was ready.  the guard painted over all of the words and i quietly walked away after expressing my gratitude.

in the scheme of life this is not a big deal.  it may be a symbol of a lot of things, but for me, it must be an opportunity for deeper self-reflection.  the fast is full of mysterious forces surrounding our lives, working on our soul in ways to serve its ability to be strengthened.  we must consciously spend the moments of our day immersed in prayer and meditation, drinking deep from the Ocean of God's Revelation.  the fast is..

..essentially a period of meditation and prayer, of spiritual recuperation, during which the believer must strive to make the necessary readjustments in his inner life, and to refresh and reinvigorate the spiritual forces latent in his soul.

    ~Baha'u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 176

i feel my heart recoiling from the world and clinging to God's Revelation for all that is nourishing for my soul.  i must discover the sweetness in the scorn..

fasting reflections..suffering

the plant i look at each day while sitting at our dining room table

this flower looks to me as if it is praying.  it has opened itself up to the sun, beseeching and praising the sun for its energy and sustenance.  its beauty symbolizes the Beauty of God.  it is majestic and full of astonishment.  it is in this spirit that i raise my hands in supplication to the Almighty One and draw upon the mysterious forces at work during the Baha'i fast.

outside of the days of the fast, i am usually zipping around the house, constantly doing something, even if it is sitting down preparing a lesson for a children's class.  i carry joy in my heart, with a quiet gratitude for everything that God has chosen for my life -- including the bugs, humidity and our kids' conflicts. :)
 
my energy during the days of fasting shifts to an inward, reflective mode and outwardly i slow down.  i call God consciously to mind as much as i can, emptying my mind of anything i consider petty and material.  i tap into and depend on the spiritual forces derived from prayer and detachment from the things of this world to sustain me, inspire me, cleanse me of impurities and strengthen me to overcome my many weaknesses.

this weekend (the 2nd and 3rd days of the fast) we hosted a friend who spent about a year in the northern region of ghana.  she shared many stories of great difficulty -- extreme heat, giant locusts, no electricity or water sometimes, many types of insects and geckos finding their way to her bed, silt from dirt roads in the air and constantly settling in her home, rashes from the water stored in tanks, never a clean or accessible toilet when traveling, etc.

just listening to these stories -- the most creepy being when she woke up to a giant ant burrowing itself in her open wound by her knee when she fell the night before -- flooded my being with awe at how people have great capacity to endure the difficulties of this life.  i have had my share of hardships, pain and sufferings but it feels like nothing compared to the daily experience of living in extreme hot temperatures without modern conveniences (including something simple like bug repellent) -- every aspect of life is difficult.  the body doesn't get to shower away the never-ending presence of perspiration; the food one prepares is without running water to simply rinse rice and beans or clean vegetables; the clothes one wears requires handwashing and hanging (on which invisible eggs are laid by bugs that make the skin itch when worn); the time of menstruation must be indescribably difficult without enough water to wash oneself or any linens that become soiled..

tests and difficulties are blessings in disguise.  they are the means by which we, as souls on this journey we call life, grow nearer to God -- we must choose to respond to them using the virtues of God with which He has endowed our souls, no matter how excruciatingly difficult.  sometimes we are tested in ways that feel beyond our capacity.  but God never tests a soul beyond its capacity.  those who suffer the most attain the greatest station in the sight of God.  with God's inscrutable wisdom, there is recompense in the world beyond for the suffering in this world..

"It is only through suffering that the nobility of character can make itself manifest...It is transformed into fortitude, steadfastness and magnanimity. The lives of Bahá'u'lláh and 'Abdu'l-Bahá are the best examples for this. Sacrifices in the path of one's religion produce always immortal results, 'Out of the ashes rises the phoenix'."

    (Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 603)

in my silent reflection today, i realize that i haven't been tested in ways that i perceive as very, very difficult to endure.  i do not know how i would be facing their circumstances.  i trust their suffering -- which is primarily a result of the body politic not having true love and unity which it needs to care for everyone -- will be recompensed according to God's inscrutable wisdom in the worlds beyond this physical life.  in addition, i know that we are all tested by God, each according to our own unique role in God's Will.  there is no comparison.  each soul has its own suffering to face or struggles of self to overcome.  there are many ways in which God tests His servants:  money, other people, natural disasters, disease, poverty, death, materialism and many other changes and chances of this world.

"... Suffering, of one kind or another, seems to be the portion of man in this world. Even the Beloved ones, the Prophets of God, have never been exempt from the ills that are to be found in our world; poverty, disease, bereavement - they seem to be part of the polish God employs to make us finer, and enable us to reflect more of His attributes!.."

    (Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 603)

i will continue praying to remain steadfast in my love for God, no matter what He chooses for my path to grow nearer to Him..i don't want to be ensnared by materialism, frozen with lethargy after a natural disaster, or frustrated with cockroaches.. we are each like that flower whose beauty is revealed gradually through opening itself up to the Creator and submitting to whatever forces of Nature come its way.

divine assistance through prayer

this frame is up in my dad and stepmom's home.  dyami was drawn to it and took this photo.  i'm so glad he did because it truly encompasses how i am living on a day to day basis.  as Baha'is, we are deeply aware of the spiritual forces at work in the world of existence.  through conscious communion with the Most Great Spirit we are able to tap into those forces of spirit and affect each other's souls.  this is most effective and powerful when drawing upon the holy spirit in the Word of God.  in this Day, it has been revealed through the Revelation of Baha'u'llah.  His Revelation is like an ocean.  it is vast, mysterious and immeasurable.  prayer, then, is like immersing oneself in this ocean and partaking of all its power.  prayer bestows spiritual life to sustain our soul on a daily basis.  it is indispensable, vital and essential for a truly magical, spiritual journey in this experience we call life.

we have a friend who is dying.  he is young.  his wife is my close friend.  she has reached out to me for prayer.  she lives very far away..  my father is battling cancer.  we all know dear ones who are in need of healing -- both physically and spiritually.  relying on prayer brings energy, hope and divine assistance.  it is faith in action.  it is surrendering to the Will of God.  it is relying on God and trusting in Him rather than on ourselves.  this is the magnet of divine attraction in our lives.  without it we are lost on our own paths of vain imaginings.  with each breath we can be in a state of prayer.  it is all about what we fill our hearts and minds..