Wealth/Poverty ~ a Baha'i view

One of the most important principles of the Teaching of Bahá'u'lláh is:

The right of every human being to the daily bread whereby they exist, or the equalization of the means of livelihood.

The arrangements of the circumstances of the people must be such that poverty shall disappear, that everyone, as far as possible, according to his rank and position, shall share in comfort and well-being.

We see amongst us men who are overburdened with riches on the one hand, and on the other those unfortunate ones who starve with nothing; those who possess several stately palaces, and those who have not where to lay their head. Some we find with numerous courses of costly and dainty food; whilst others can scarce find sufficient crusts to keep them alive. Whilst some are clothed in velvets, furs and fine linen, others have insufficient, poor and thin garments with which to protect them from the cold.

This condition of affairs is wrong, and must be remedied. Now the remedy must be carefully undertaken. It cannot be done by bringing to pass absolute equality between men.

Equality is a chimera! It is entirely impracticable! Even if equality could be achieved it could not continue -- and if its existence were possible, the whole order of the world would be destroyed. The law of order must always obtain in the world of humanity. Heaven has so decreed in the creation of man.

Some are full of intelligence, others have an ordinary amount of it, and others again are devoid of intellect. In these three classes of men there is order but not equality. How could it be possible that wisdom and stupidity should be equal? Humanity, like a great army, requires a general, captains, under-officers in their degree, and soldiers, each with their own appointed duties. Degrees are absolutely necessary to ensure an orderly organization. An army could not be composed of generals alone, or of captains only, or of nothing but soldiers without one in authority. The certain result of such a plan would be that disorder and demoralization would overtake the whole army.

King Lycurgus, the philosopher, made a great plan to equalize the subjects of Sparta; with self-sacrifice and wisdom was the experiment begun. Then the king called the people of his kingdom, and made them swear a great oath to maintain the same order of government if he should leave the country, also that nothing should make them alter it until his return. Having secured this oath, he left his kingdom of Sparta and never returned. Lycurgus abandoned the situation, renouncing his high position, thinking to achieve the permanent good of his country by the equalization of the property and of the conditions of life in his kingdom.  All the self-sacrifice of the king was in vain. The great experiment failed. After a time all was destroyed; his carefully thought-out constitution came to an end.

The futility of attempting such a scheme was shown and the impossibility of attaining equal conditions of existence was proclaimed in the ancient kingdom of Sparta. In our day any such attempt would be equally doomed to failure.

Certainly, some being enormously rich and others lamentably poor, an organization is necessary to control and improve this state of affairs. It is important to limit riches, as it is also of importance to limit poverty. Either extreme is not good. To be seated in the mean [1] is most desirable. If it be right for a capitalist to possess a large fortune, it is equally just that his workman should have a sufficient means of existence.
[1 'Give me neither poverty nor riches.' -- Prov. xxx., 8.]

A financier with colossal wealth should not exist whilst near him is a poor man in dire necessity. When we see poverty allowed to reach a condition of starvation it is a sure sign that somewhere we shall find tyranny. Men must bestir themselves in this matter, and no longer delay in altering conditions which bring the misery of grinding poverty to a very large number of the people. The rich must give of their abundance, they must soften their hearts and cultivate a compassionate intelligence, taking thought for those sad ones who are suffering from lack of the very necessities of life.

There must be special laws made, dealing with these extremes of riches and of want. The members of the Government should consider the laws of God when they are framing plans for the ruling of the people. The general rights of mankind must be guarded and preserved.

The government of the countries should conform to the Divine Law which gives equal justice to all. This is the only way in which the deplorable superfluity of great wealth and miserable, demoralizing, degrading poverty can be abolished. Not until this is done will the Law of God be obeyed.

    (Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 151)

Veils to Spiritual Perception

"Our spiritual perception, our inward sight must be opened, so that we can see the signs and traces of God's spirit in everything.  Everything can reflect to us the light of the Spirit."

~ 'Abdu'l-Bahá

Spiritual perception is one of the powers of human beings that distinguish us from animals:

"It is clearly evident that while man possesses powers in common with the animal, he is distinguished from the animal by intellectual attainment, spiritual perception, the acquisition of virtues, capacity to receive the bestowals of Divinity, lordly bounty and emanations of heavenly mercy.  This is the adornment of man, his honor and sublimity. Humanity must strive toward this supreme station."

~ 'Abdu'l-Bahá

There are 3 essential qualities necessary for us to develop spiritual perception:

• a pure heart
• the knowledge of God
• the love of God

Yet there are many veils which hinder our inner eye from seeing the reality of all things:

• material senses
• literal interpretation
• vain imaginings
• imitation
• egotism
• pursuit of passion and desire

"..we must endeavor with heart and soul in order that the veil covering the eye of inner vision may be removed, that we may behold the manifestations of the signs of God..and realize that material blessings as compared with spiritual bounties are as nothing."

~ 'Abdu'l-Bahá

the spirit of subduing self-love

"..self-love is kneaded into the very clay of man, and it is not possible that, without any hope of a substantial reward, he should neglect his own present material good. That individual, however, who puts his faith in God and believes in the words of God -- because he is promised and certain of a plentiful reward in the next life, and because worldly benefits as compared to the abiding joy and glory of future planes of existence are nothing to him -- will for the sake of God abandon his own peace and profit and will freely consecrate his heart and soul to the common good."

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, The Secret of Divine Civilization, p. 96

we are all gems, unique and precious.  we are all full of spiritual, gem-like qualities.  we are all born with the potential to shine with the light of godly qualities and make this world a better place. if this potential is not continually cultivated and enabled to flourish, we easily succumb to the gravity of self which pulls us down into the darkness of material traits, extinguishing that light and bringing harm to ourselves and the human race.  the Teachings from God provide the spiritual energy to ultimately overcome our selves, to subdue that lower nature molded within us..

as much as each of us is on a never-ending, ever-evolving, inter-generational progression of spiritual progress -- not merely material progress -- it is made inexplicably difficult to transform our lives unless we exert conscious, tireless effort toward overcoming our ego.

"..the spirit is the bounty of God, the water is knowledge and life, and the fire is the love of God. For material water does not purify the heart of man; no, it cleanses his body. But the heavenly water and spirit, which are knowledge and life, make the human heart good and pure; the heart which receives a portion of the bounty of the Spirit becomes sanctified, good and pure -- that is to say, the reality of man becomes purified and sanctified from the impurities of the world of nature. These natural impurities are evil qualities: anger, lust, worldliness, pride, lying, hypocrisy, fraud, self-love, etc.

Man cannot free himself from the rage of the carnal passions except by the help of the Holy Spirit.

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Some Answered Questions, p. 92

our ego is that self-love which can overtake our sense of humility before God as His servant.  we begin to glorify ourselves and basically fall in love with ourselves.  our talents, achievements, opinions, physical beauty, wealth, class, status, etc. all become aspects of our ego that we worship.  we neglect to be truly humble and carry ourselves in a dignified, selfless manner before God.

if we are not making a conscious effort toward subduing our ego, we adorn ourselves with layers and layers of self-conceit, pride, and vanity.  godliness and purity are soiled or nowhere to be seen or felt.  daily life becomes all about one's image or attention received from others.

it is in this place of self-love that a soul never finds inner peace -- there is always a desire for more from the material world, more things, more attention, more physical adornments, more degrees, more money..  at its worst, self-love is a place where addiction, obsession and suicide reside.

this very materialistic world feeds the ego instead of nourishing the soul.  as we strive to raise our children to be spiritual human beings, we are bombarded by the excesses of self-love that pervade most areas of life.  this is especially true in the world of music and entertainment to which children are much attracted.  these industries bombard us with vulgarity and indiscretions of all kinds. it is a very difficult task to help them find anything worthy of their spirit.  they are easily enticed, also, by what they see people wearing, saying and doing in public, on advertisements and at school, most of which, even in sheltered environments, give them messages of loving themselves.

parenting plays a crucial role in influencing how their children develop and strengthen their spiritual capacity while learning how to subdue their material nature:

"The forces at work on the hearts and minds of the young...are pernicious indeed. Exhortations to remain pure and chaste will only succeed to a limited degree in helping them to resist these forces. What needs to be appreciated in this respect is the extent to which young minds are affected by the choices parents make for their own lives, when, no matter how unintentionally, no matter how innocently, such choices condone the passions of the world—its admiration for power, its adoration of status, its love of luxuries, its attachment to frivolous pursuits, its glorification of violence, and its obsession with self-gratification."   (December 28, 2010 Universal House of Justice)

we are constantly striving, through our own example, to bring out the light of a good character in our children.  through counsel, we are helping them develop their capacity to attain moral and spiritual excellence which subdues this self-love.  as they make progress in their efforts, we remind them that their abilities and talents are gifts from God, not from themselves; they are to be developed and used to serve humanity in ways that are conducive to the spiritual advancement of civilization.

we encourage them to utilize all of their God-given potential and capacity with humility before God to protect their egos from swelling with pride and vanity.  we also encourage them to discern the destructive nature and emptiness of how self-love affects people in this life.  educating a soul to know itself as a noble human being is the most significant job we have in this life if we care to bring about a spiritual civilization.

"O God! Enable us to conquer self and overcome desire. O Lord! Deliver us from the bondage of the material world. O Lord! Quicken us through the breath of the Holy Spirit in order that we may arise to serve Thee, engage in worshiping Thee and exert ourselves in Thy Kingdom with the utmost sincerity. O Lord, Thou art powerful. O God, Thou art forgiving. O Lord, Thou art compassionate."

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 458

the magic of love

"Happiness consists of two kinds; physical and spiritual. The physical happiness is limited; its utmost duration is one day, one month, one year. It hath no result. Spiritual happiness is eternal and unfathomable. This kind of happiness appeareth in one's soul with the love of God and suffereth one to attain to the virtues and perfections of the world of humanity. Therefore, endeavor as much as thou art able in order to illuminate the lamp of thy heart by the light of love."
 

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v3, p. 673 

each day we have the capacity to be a channel of divine spirit in this life.  it depends on seeing everything that is happening with a spiritual eye, and looking at all people with the beauty of God in them.

as i settle into Nairobi i find myself having a unique experience already.  despite the diversity and long associations of different peoples living here, there is still surprise amongst the people here who are not white that i am being genuinely friendly and caring toward them.   i am able to love people simply for the sake of them being loved by God.  this love is expressed through smiling, thumbs up in appreciation for someone's deed, sharing chocolates and other things we have as a way of thanks, and a lighthearted, genuine exchange of joyful greetings (mostly in Swahili).  the world is longing for the love of God to be exchanged and received without any conditional self-interest involved.  to me, this is the magic of love..

while being stuck in traffic, or rolling up my car window to block out the black fumes coming out of tailpipes, i have been smiling at people when i connect with them in their car or on the side of the road.  as i meet guards and house cleaners, i treat them with dignity and high regard as i appreciate the work they do.  i am looking for the beauty of God in all things and creating my own reality of beauty and joy throughout the day.  it is truly like a magnet which attracts the heart of another human being.

here in Nairobi there is an overall sense of fear and lack of trust, which of course go hand in hand with one another.  i practice wisdom by keeping my purse close at all times and locking everything; i don't walk around at night or keep my car window open in the evenings as a protection from criminal attempts on my life.  but aside from being wise in my affairs, and staying out of areas that are known for crime, i feel that most people are hard-working and goodhearted, just like in South Africa, and there is no reason to hold fear so present in one's heart on a daily basis -- unless you break a traffic law and a police officer with a big gun comes up to your window and starts telling you how high the fees are for obstructing the law.. yes, that happened to us, but we didn't give in to his insinuating bribery.  we remained calm and prayerful and called a Baha'i lawyer friend (who we just met!) -- by the grace of God her son is a police officer who is a friend of this officer so he pardoned us!

love is the simple answer to the world's problems.  its replenishing fountain is the Word of God which is endowed with the creative spirit to transform our hearts, subdue our egos, and ennoble our lives.  for me it is the pulse of oneness which magically connects me to God in all circumstances, with all people, all of the time.

"When love is realized and the ideal spiritual bonds unite the hearts of men, the whole human race will be uplifted, the world will continually grow more spiritual and radiant and the happiness and tranquility of mankind be immeasurably increased. Warfare and strife will be uprooted, disagreement and dissension pass away and Universal Peace unite the nations and peoples of the world. All mankind will dwell together as one family, blend as the waves of one sea, shine as stars of one firmament and appear as fruits of the same tree. This is the happiness and felicity of humankind. This is the illumination of man, the glory eternal and life everlasting; this is the divine bestowal."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 229

arriving in Nairobi

"Striving means this: Ye must live and move according to the divine commands and behests, be united in loving with ecstasy and joy; do not take any rest but engage continually in the service of the Cause of God."

~ Abdu'l-Baha

we have arrived in Nairobi, Kenya!  the air is cool and fresh.  the greenery is lush and beautiful.  the landscape is full of rolling hills, tile roofs, old vans that serve as transport for most people, and roadside markets.  we haven't driven around too much but what we saw was a mixture of South Africa and Ghana -- a mixture of material development and underdevelopment combined with layers of African culture.  i love it!

i have already begun to connect with the people we are meeting -- it's as if the invisible magnetic force of love is operating between our souls through the warm and friendly greetings, smiles and helpfulness being shared.

it feels great to be back in Africa again after a wonderful holiday with family in America.  holiday is always the best time to enjoy family and rejuvenate myself with rest and recreation, but when it ends i become eager again to serve humanity in as many ways as i can each day, striving to put myself aside and be concerned with the needs of others.

like most places in this beautiful world, Kenya has its extremes of wealth and poverty, its prejudices of religion, class and race, and its battle against crime, injustice and terrorism.  i can feel the presence of security (where our car was examined with a machine that looked underneath for a bomb before entering the parking lot to a mall) which is both comforting and disconcerting.  i have seen the density of slums that sprawl far too long into the distance while driving to the kids' new school.  most houses and flats have bars on the windows, high walls along the perimeter and electric wires secured on top of the walls.  trucks and vans pollute the air with noxious fumes.  trees and flowering plants decorate most areas of the city with natural beauty and color, and serious facial expressions beam with radiance whenever i direct my genuine smile at them..

i can feel my heart being drawn to all of the possibilities that are to come in time as i begin arising to make new friendships and serve the community here.  good relationships and deeds that benefit other people are the gems that permeate the spirit of oneness in this world.  the joy and beauty of life is derived from this aspect of our oneness.  it is in this way that i feel most happy and grateful to be here..

"Be anxiously concerned with the needs of the age ye live in, and center your deliberations on its exigencies and requirements."

~ Baha'u'llah

'religious prejudices'

below is a speech addressing religious prejudice -- one of the greatest causes of war and disunity in the world.  it conveys the vital need for love and unity amongst the followers of all religions. 

this address was offered by Abdu'l-Baha in Paris in the early 1900's:

RELIGIOUS PREJUDICES

The basis of the teaching of Bahá'u'lláh is the Unity of Mankind, and His greatest desire was that love and goodwill should live in the heart of men.

As He exhorted the people to do away with strife and discord, so I wish to explain to you the principal reason of the unrest among nations. The chief cause is the misrepresentation of religion by the religious leaders and teachers. They teach their followers to believe that their own form of religion is the only one pleasing to God, and that followers of any other persuasion are condemned by the All-Loving Father and deprived of His Mercy and Grace. Hence arise among the peoples, disapproval, contempt, disputes and hatred. If these religious prejudices could be swept away, the nations would soon enjoy peace and concord.

I was once at Tiberias where the Jews have a Temple. I was staying in a house just opposite the Temple, and there I saw and heard a Rabbi speaking to his congregation of Jews, and he spoke thus:

'O Jews, you are in truth the people of God! All other races and religions are of the devil. God has created you the descendants of Abraham, and He has showered His blessings upon you. Unto you God sent Moses, Jacob and Joseph, and many other great prophets. These prophets, one and all, were of your race.

'It was for you that God broke the power of Pharaoh and caused the Red Sea to dry up; to you also He sent manna from above to be your food, and out of the stony rock did He give you water to quench your thirst. You are indeed the chosen people of God, you are above all the races of the earth! Therefore, all other races are abhorrent to God, and condemned by Him. In truth you will govern and subdue the world, and all men shall become your slaves.

'Do not profane yourselves by consorting with people who are not of your own religion, make not friends of such men.'

When the Rabbi had finished his eloquent discourse, his hearers were filled with joy and satisfaction. It is impossible to describe to you their happiness!

Alas! It is misguided ones like these who are the cause of division and hatred upon earth. Today there are millions of people who still worship idols, and the great religions of the world are at war among themselves. For 1,300 years, Christians and Muslims have been quarrelling, when with very little effort their differences and disputes could be overcome and peace and harmony could exist between them and the world could be at rest!

In the Qur'án we read that Muhammad spoke to his followers, saying:

'Why do you not believe in Christ, and in the Gospel? Why will you not accept Moses and the Prophets, for surely the Bible is the Book of God? In truth, Moses was a sublime Prophet, and Jesus was filled with the Holy Spirit. He came to the world through the Power of God, born of the Holy Spirit and of the blessed Virgin Mary. Mary, His mother, was a saint from Heaven. She passed her days in the Temple at prayer and food was sent to her from above. Her father, Zacharias, came to her and asked her from whence the food came, and Mary made answer, "From on high." Surely God made Mary to be exalted above all other women.'

This is what Muhammad taught His people concerning Jesus and Moses, and He reproached them for their lack of faith in these great Teachers, and taught them the lessons of truth and tolerance. Muhammad was sent from God to work among a people as savage and uncivilized as the wild beasts. They were quite devoid of understanding, nor had they any feelings of love, sympathy and pity. Women were so degraded and despised that a man could bury his daughter alive, and he had as many wives to be his slaves as he chose.

Among these half animal people Muhammad was sent with His divine Message. He taught the people that idol worship was wrong, but that they should reverence Christ, Moses and the Prophets. Under His influence they became a more enlightened and civilized people and arose from the degraded state in which He found them. Was not this a good work, and worthy of all praise, respect and love?

Look at the Gospel of the Lord Christ and see how glorious it is! Yet even today men fail to understand its priceless beauty, and misinterpret its words of wisdom.

Christ forbade war! When the disciple Peter, thinking to defend his Lord, cut off the ear of the servant of the High Priest, Christ said to him: 'Put up thy sword into the sheath'.[1] Yet, in spite of the direct command of the Lord they profess to serve -- men still dispute, make war, and kill one another, and His counsels and teaching seem quite forgotten.
[1 St John xviii, 11.]

But do not therefore attribute to the Masters and Prophets the evil deeds of their followers. If the priests, teachers and people, lead lives which are contrary to the religion they profess to follow, is that the fault of Christ or the other Teachers?

The people of Islam were taught to realize how Jesus came from God and was born of the Spirit, and that He must be glorified of all men. Moses was a prophet of God, and revealed in His day and for the people to whom He was sent, the Book of God.

Muhammad recognized the sublime grandeur of Christ and the greatness of Moses and the prophets. If only the whole world would acknowledge the greatness of Muhammad and all the Heaven-sent Teachers, strife and discord would soon vanish from the face of the earth, and God's Kingdom would come among men.

The people of Islam who glorify Christ are not humiliated by so doing.

Christ was the Prophet of the Christians, Moses of the Jews -- why should not the followers of each prophet recognize and honour the other prophets also? If men could only learn the lesson of mutual tolerance, understanding, and brotherly love, the unity of the world would soon be an established fact.

Bahá'u'lláh spent His life teaching this lesson of Love and Unity. Let us then put away from us all prejudice and intolerance, and strive with all our hearts and souls to bring about understanding and unity between Christians and Muslims.

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 48

mother's day ~ a surprise gift

    "If the mother is educated then her children will be well taught. When the mother is wise, then will the children be led into the path of wisdom. If the mother be religious she will show her children how they should love God. If the mother is moral she guides her little ones into the ways of uprightness.

    It is clear therefore that the future generation depends on the mothers of today."

    
 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 161

i woke up yesterday not expecting anything special for Mother's Day.  my husband is out of town and the kids are not inundated with media marketing here in Ghana so they forget these kinds of things.

all i felt throughout the day was gratitude for our family.  we have built a foundation of love that surpasses all of the temporary tests of life and it made me deeply happy and thankful..

my heart was focused on bringing joy to the mamas down the road by baking them a heart-shaped cake to share.  i found myself thinking of my Xhosa mama friends whose lives are full of hardships and i sent them all an sms to wish them a happy Mother's Day.  my heart was full of thankfulness for my mom, my step-mom, and my dear friends -- all from whom i have been nurtured and loved, supported and inspired, uplifted and enriched.  to me, it was a day of feeling interconnected with all mothers in the world and remembering the exalted station we have in the sight of God.  i called my mom and step-mom, wrote a few friends and reached out to many of my African sisters..it was a good day.

tonight i received an unexpected surprise from my 12 year old son: a belated Mother's Day card.  he decided to make me a card with these words inside because he didn't remember yesterday:

i couldn't be more thankful for my son's reflections today.  what a gift from his soul to mine.  certainly i have many moments of doubting my words of good counsel, or regretting my tone of voice, and becoming impatient when the moments become overwhelming.  these words are a sign of how the love and grace of God is all-pervasive in our lives as we continually strive to be better as mothers and fathers.

A Tranquil Heart

“The greatest bestowal in the world of existence is a tranquil heart, and it is impossible for man to obtain a tranquil heart save through the good pleasure of the Lord.  That is, a man may so adorn the temple of his being with lofty attributes and philanthropic deeds as to be pleasing at the Threshold of the Almighty.  This is the only Path and there is no other Path.  My point is this:  Let all your thoughts, your ideals, your aims and purposes revolve day and night around one common object – that is, to live in accord with the good pleasure of the Lord.  Then all the doors of felicity will be opened before your faces, you will become successful in all your undertakings, and you will be confirmed in all your accomplishments.  The basic principle is the good pleasure of the Lord:  and the good pleasure of God is obtained through a tranquil heart, and the tranquility of the heart is only gained by living in accord with the Divine Teachings and Exhortations.  When a person attains to this station he is contented and peaceful.  Then he will become prosperous in all affairs and enter into Paradise.”

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Star of the West, vol.16, p.401

garden view outside the Shrine of the Bab

Just hearing the word 'tranquil' lends to a calmness of my being.  It is the one virtue of my soul that seems to stretch as I breathe in deeply and embrace the moments as they come throughout the day.  It is also the one virtue that is almost nonexistent in moments when life seems to bombard me with chaos and the shortcomings of human character.  I cherish those moments when I am riding the wave of tranquility while all else around me is crashing and stumbling, arguing and deceiving, hurting and hating.  But it is not easy for me to always ride those waves..

Tranquility of heart is a state of being that comes and goes in daily life.  It is a balancing act to maintain that deep serenity as life's challenging circumstances and happenings oftentimes easily disturb it.  I love this quote because it brings tranquility to my consciousness in a way of having the power to choose how to respond to the tests of life rather than react to them.  I feel empowered to draw upon the virtues latent in my soul and use them as my spiritual swords to combat the negative forces that are affecting me.  This quote strengthens my ability to remain still while moving, to remain focused while disturbed, and to remain calm while upset.  

All I truly desire in this life is God's good pleasure.  The difficulties, injustices and sufferings of life are meant to strengthen our souls as we practice using our spiritual powers rather than being defeated by the enslavement of our material traits -- anger, frustration, impatience, etc.  The more I can fix my gaze, my perspective and my vision on attaining the good pleasure of God, the more I will tap into remaining calm, considerate, courteous, forgiving, patient, long-suffering, etc. because I am ever aware of God's desire for how to best be His servant.  This is best demonstrated as a parent but even in our safe-haven of a family, I lose my balance and succumb to my lower nature and express anger and frustration.

I carried this quote in my heart all day yesterday while our children were at school.  I was preparing myself for the moment when a conflict may arise between them.  I was determined to demonstrate tranquility; I wasn't going to let it be a wave I might miss riding.  My consciousness was so heightened, so aware of needing to be patient, wise and compassionate that when they started yelling at each other about something they both felt very strongly about, I was able to keep that inner peace.  I listened.  I let them vent their anger without becoming upset at their anger and hurtful words.  I asked them to silently reflect.  I encouraged the best in them.  I waited patiently for them to let the anger dissipate.  After a while (that seemed long but worth it!) they had sincerely apologized and the storm was over.  The calm resumed and soon became joy again.  They needed me to listen and give them the strength they have within them to look at their own shortcomings and not be stuck in the rut of blaming the other person.  The more I can demonstrate a tranquil heart in our family life, the better I am able to manage the greater struggles of disunity and disintegration that face humanity -- and certainly humanity needs to be healed by the powerful force of a tranquil heart.

Create in me a pure heart, O my God, and renew a tranquil conscience within me, O my Hope! Through the spirit of power confirm Thou me in Thy Cause, O my Best-Beloved, and by the light of Thy glory reveal unto me Thy path, O Thou the Goal of my desire! Through the power of Thy transcendent might lift me up unto the heaven of Thy holiness, O Source of my being, and by the breezes of Thine eternity gladden me, O Thou Who art my God! Let Thine everlasting melodies breathe tranquility on me, O my Companion, and let the riches of Thine ancient countenance deliver me from all except Thee, O my Master, and let the tidings of the revelation of Thine incorruptible Essence bring me joy, O Thou Who art the most manifest of the manifest and the most hidden of the hidden!

~ Bahá'u'lláh

Parenting..a journey of learning

"We must strive with energies of heart, soul and mind to develop and manifest the perfections and virtues latent within the realities of the phenomenal world, for the human reality may be compared to a seed. If we sow the seed, a mighty tree appears from it. The virtues of the seed are revealed in the tree; it puts forth branches, leaves, blossoms, and produces fruits. All these virtues were hidden and potential in the seed. Through the blessing and bounty of cultivation these virtues became apparent. Similarly the merciful God our creator has deposited within human realities certain virtues latent and potential. Through education and culture, these virtues deposited by the loving God will become apparent in the human reality even as the unfoldment of the tree from within the germinating seed."

~ Abdu'l-Baha

parenting.  it's a loaded word.  it becomes part of our consciousness the moment we discover a new life is growing within our womb, and then enters an organic journey of continual stages of evolution until we leave this world.

when i reflect on the first sentence of the quote above, i feel as if there is not a moment in a parent's life to relax in the ways of helping their children grow.  striving 'with energies of heart, soul and mind to develop and manifest the perfections and virtues latent with the realities of the phenomenal world' requires endless, tireless, conscious, wholehearted exertions.  it implies drawing upon one's inner powers of sacrifice, wisdom and embodying the necessary virtues and perfections oneself to set an example for the child. parenting, then, from a Baha'i perspective, requires an all-encompassing, never-ending, ever-evolving investment of effort and focused attention toward being a most loving, wise and supportive pillar for a child's life.

"For mothers are the first educators, the first mentors; and truly it is the mothers who determine the happiness, the future greatness, the courteous ways and learning and judgement, the understanding and the faith of their little ones."

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 126

Domani (8 yrs), Dyami (11 yrs) and Ayana (13 yrs)

for me, parenting has been one never-ending learning experience full of ups and downs, trials and victories, joy and pain.  ultimately it is the crucible for my own spiritual development as i immerse myself in the rigors of raising 3 souls in the attributes of selflessness, the love of God and humble servitude.  our children are in the long process of learning about these qualities so that as adults they can actually embody them..

♥ BECOMING PARENTS:
my husband and i became parents in 1998 (before digital cameras and Facebook).  i was 30 years old and we lived in America.  although we felt like we didn't fit into the typical American mold of what people do and how they live, we found ourselves embracing the typical middle-class ideas of how to prepare for becoming parents:  we bought a nice wooden crib and set up a little room for 'the baby'.  it was an idea that we didn't give much thought about except that it would be the place where the baby would sleep and be nursed.

looking back it seems very odd to us, almost cruel and strange, that a helpless baby just brought into this world would be kept alone in a room by herself for the entire night.  nonetheless, this is what we agreed upon at that time:  nurse her to sleep, put her down in the crib, go back to the room to nurse when she woke up crying, put her down again.. this didn't last too long before she and i started nursing lying down on the floor on some blankets and me leaving her to go back to bed with my husband.  sometimes i'd fall asleep on the floor with her for the rest of the night. eventually we brought her into our bed and nursed her to sleep until the age of 2.  this is one of many examples along our journey whereby we came into parenting ignorant and soon discovered for ourselves what resonated with our souls, rather than society's general expectations and marketing schemes for becoming a parent.

a spiritual way of life was instantly woven and knit into our children's discovery of this world.  those early years were days and nights of singing and chanting prayers to babies, teaching them the language of prayer, creating a Montessori learning environment, training them in good manners and courteous ways, and having as much joy in our home as possible.  for as sweet and beautiful as it was, it was full of difficulties and learning through painful moments. 

life took on the familiar rhythm of facing a crisis; needing (and learning how) to consult about how to resolve it with a unified decision; implementing the decision through consistent and continual effort in training the child's (or our own) behavior; and then easing through the days with a new pattern of learned behavior until facing another crisis.  i had to look at myself most of the time before trying to correct my child's behavior.  was i patient?  could i have been paying closer attention?  am i not providing what s/he needs emotionally?  these types of questions are the basis from which we have grown into parents who are consciously striving to grow spiritually, demanding better conduct and a purified character to better guide, protect, care for and love these children who are dependent on us, just as we are dependent on God for His loving-kindness and protection from ourselves.

as the years have progressed, new rhythms and patterns of our daily life as a family have evolved.  we learned from the Montessori philosophy how there are cycles of development in a child's life, from one stage to the next.  with this understanding we were able to understand some of the changes that were occurring in their psyche from one stage to the next.  we have continued to pray, sing, drum and recite together in the evenings as part of our daily routine, while a few years ago my husband introduced a special time together that we call 'family friday night'.  these activities are woven into a Baha'i way of life.  now that 2 of our children are in the junior youth stage of development, we are drawing upon Baha'i resources and materials to understand how to best nurture their capacity for becoming youth who are distinguished as leaders in both moral and academic excellence.

with 3 children at different stages of development, our family is a bundle of learning through mistakes and being reminded that we are souls on a spiritual journey called life.  the greatest lessons have come from backbiting, lying, selfishness, disrespect and an unkindly tongue.  as they stumble and sometimes fall, we are there to provide divine counsel and moral encouragement.  we are there to

listen and forgive.  we are there, as parents, to walk the path of spiritual growth with them..

♥ AS A BAHA'I:
the view of being a mother is of such a high station that i felt like i was entering a most significant stage in my life.  we agreed that what worked for us was me not working outside of the home while our children were young.  through countless consultations, our intentions remained focused on conducting ourselves in as many of the perfections of God as we could, including how we spoke, what we spoke about, what we chose to do with our time, what the child was exposed to, what was on the television, etc.  we knew we were responsible to God to strive to be the best parents we can be to prepare this new soul's life for its destiny as a servant of God.  for me this meant the beginning of disciplining myself while choosing how i spent my time, who i spent it with, the manner in which i spoke, etc.  as soon as our first child was born i entered the realm of selflessness to a degree that forced me to grow up spiritually in many ways.

as a couple, my husband and i are always a team; we are one.  there is no division between us in their eyes.  if we have to consult about an issue, we remove ourselves and talk about it until we have an agreement.  the decision may be wrong, but we are in agreement so there is unity.  without unity there is no light, no energy, no power for the family unit to thrive on.  the Baha'i way is that unity is right, not our opinion.  it is better to be wrong about something and agreed, than to argue about what we think is right and create estrangement and disunity.  this method of consultation in Baha'i family life requires humility.  it requires sacrifice and detachment, qualities that demand subduing one's ego.

less then 2 years after our first child was born, the Universal House of Justice -- the international governing body of the Baha'is of the world -- issued a Message addressing the vital concerns regarding children throughout the world.  this Message spoke to my heart like a magnetic field, attracting every part of my heart toward the loftiest standards by which our children need to be raised:

“…there is a pressing challenge to be faced: Our children need to be nurtured spiritually and to be integrated into the life of the Cause. They should not be left to drift in a world so laden with moral dangers. In the current state of society, children face a cruel fate. Millions and millions in country after country are dislocated socially. Children find themselves alienated by parents and other adults whether they live in conditions of wealth or poverty. This alienation has its roots in a selfishness that is born of materialism that is at the core of the godlessness seizing the hearts of people everywhere. The social dislocation of children in our time is a sure mark of a society in decline; this condition is not, however, confined to any race, class, nation or economic condition- it cuts across them all. It grieves our hearts to realize that in so many parts of the world children are employed as soldiers, exploited as labourers, sold into virtual slavery, forced into prostitution, made the objects of pornography, abandoned by parents centred on their own desires, and subjected to other forms of victimization too numerous to mention. Many such horrors are inflicted by the parents themselves upon their own children. The spiritual and psychological damage defies estimation. Our worldwide community cannot escape the consequences of these conditions. This realization should spur us all to urgent and sustained effort in the interests of children and the future.

"..Spiritual education of children and junior youth are of paramount importance to the further progress of the community. It is therefore imperative that this deficiency be remedied. Institutes must be certain to include in their programmes the training of teachers of children’s classes, who can make their services available to local communities. But although providing spiritual and academic education for children is essential, this represents only a part of what must go into developing their characters and shaping their personalities. The necessity exists, too, for individuals and the institutions at all levels, which is to say the community as a whole, to show a proper attitude towards children and to take a general interest in their welfare. Such an attitude should be far removed from that of a rapidly declining order.

"Children are the most precious treasure a community can possess, for in them are the promise and guarantee of the future. They bear the seeds of the character of future society which is largely shaped by what the adults constituting the community do or fail to do with respect to children. They are a trust no community can neglect with impunity. An all-embracing love of children, the manner of treating them, the quality of the attention shown them, the spirit of adult behaviour toward them; these are all among the vital aspects of the requisite attitude. Love demands discipline, the courage to accustom children to hardship, not to indulge their whims or leave them entirely to their own devices. An atmosphere needs to be maintained in which children feel that they belong to the community and share in its purpose. They must lovingly but insistently be guided to live up to Baha’i standards, to study and teach the Cause in ways that are suited to their circumstances.”

            ~ The Universal House of Justice, Ridvan 157, 2000, p. 8

Baha'is use the analogy of a seed sprouting and being nurtured until it grows into a strong tree to describe the spiritual reality of a soul as it grows in this life.  the child is like the young plant in dire need of care and gentle affection, tenderness and love, until it begins it's period of youth when it is receives a different degree of care.  my husband and i responded to this Message by seeing ourselves as the signs of God for our child -- so if we were just and kind, they would learn that God is just and kind.  this is true for all of the virtues of God, and this is how we spoke to the children about everything, using the language of virtues to identify any circumstance.  instead of saying to them, 'Say thank you' we asked them, 'How do you show your appreciation?'  instead of saying something negative like, 'That's wrong' we would offer something like, 'What virtue are you forgetting to practice?'

i am far from the high standard of being a spiritual parent who is always patient, calm, wise and compassionate.  i continue to make many mistakes, every day.  when i became a mother i was full of spiritual immaturity and felt overwhelmed and oftentimes inadequate.  yet through prayer and consultation, my husband and i have worked together to live by one of the many counsels of Baha'u'llah:

"The most vital duty in this day is to purify your characters, to correct your manners, and improve your conduct."

as we strive to overcome our faults and shortcomings as parents, we continue painting a canvas of virtues for them to see in themselves.  we encourage them to tap into their God-given potential and use it to develop as spiritual human beings who love God and desire to serve the world of humanity rather them merely themselves.  the journey of learning is far from over.. as parenting continues each and every day..

children. suffering. change.

"Children are the most precious treasure a community can possess, for in them are the promise and guarantee of the future. They bear the seeds of the character of future society which is largely shaped by what the adults constituting the community do or fail to do with respect to children. They are a trust no community can neglect with impunity. An all-embracing love of children, the manner of treating them, the quality of the attention shown them, the spirit of adult behavior toward them -- these are all among the vital aspects of the requisite attitude. Love demands discipline, the courage to accustom children to hardship, not to indulge their whims or leave them entirely to their own devices."

~ The Universal House of Justice, Ridvan 157, 2000, p. 8

children all throughout the world are victims of war, violence, rape, trafficking and abandonment.   it can extinguish all our joy if we dwelt on the pain of what these young souls have faced from adults who have hurt them in these horrendous ways..

this past week's school massacre in Connecticut has touched the world through international media which has projected the horrific manner in which a gunman killed these 20 innocent souls.  i did not listen to most of the coverage living here in Ghana, but what i did read and see on the internet made the pain in my heart reach out to every child in the world who has suffered from such atrocities.  it made me want to tell the untold stories of countless lives that have been destroyed and damaged by the tragic ways in which adults have acted toward them..

suffering and calamities, trials and tragedies, ultimately serve to waken us from our slumber of negligence or lethargy and stir in us the desire to change..and the desire for change.

change begins always with the individual and expands gradually to communities and nations.  it depends on one's determined will to continually make efforts above and beyond satisfying one's needs and interests -- efforts that are motivated by service to the greater cause, the common good, the betterment of the world.  this volition of will must make tireless exertions throughout life.  for our outer lives to change, our inner life must change -- we must consciously strive to practice the virtues of God everyday.  change can be instant, but for the most part it is gradual and painstakingly slow..

humanity is at a new stage of consciousness and has reached a certain level of its innate spiritual capacity.  what used to be accepted as natural or common, like slavery or women being kept uneducated, is now viewed as barbaric or unjust.  humanity is gradually evolving to a point of accepting that war is destructive, or that all children must be protected from harm.. humanity is undergoing a collective experience of changing ever so gradually toward reaching a spiritually mature standard of what is acceptable behavior.

"Every child is potentially the light of the world -- and at the same time its darkness; wherefore must the question of education be accounted as of primary importance. From his infancy, the child must be nursed at the breast of God's love, and nurtured in the embrace of His knowledge, that he may radiate light, grow in spirituality, be filled with wisdom and learning, and take on the characteristics of the angelic host."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p.130

every child born into this world is endowed with the capacity to reach his fullest potential intended by God as a unique soul endowed with spiritual capacity to reflect the light of God.

i want to rid the world of every act of evil that hurts and kills children.  i know that i am only a small strand in the web of humanity, but i am vital to the health and strength of the web, given the interconnectedness of it all.  i am to live each moment the very best that i can in the spot where i am located, and with the people whose lives i touch -- upholding the highest standard of conduct, of friendliness and servitude, with pure intentions and a selflessness that is essential in creating strong bonds of unity with others.

i cannot change the entire world but i can affect many people's hearts by living a life that is as spiritually enamored and full of servitude to humanity as i can.  i can help reduce the existing pain that exists in so many people's hearts -- which leads them to suicide, killing other people, etc. -- by trying to be that beam of love which banishes the darkness inside of people because they have been alienated, abandoned, abused, ridiculed, etc.  each of us has this duty, this great responsibility, to live as though everyone around us in our lives is a part of us, touched at a soulful level by how much love we share through our genuine acts of kindliness, helpfulness, charity and caring each day.

i am one with the world -- the joy of one is the joy of all; the pain of one is the pain of all.  just as in the human body, each cell must cooperate and do its job in order to help the body achieve maximum health.  my prayer is to be the healthiest cell for the body of humanity..

guidance from the Baha'i Writings brings my heart into alliance with the great Plan of God and my role in carrying forward an ever-advancing spiritual civilization which will alleviate the suffering of children throughout the world:

"That which is of paramount importance for the children, that which must precede all else, is to teach them the oneness of God and the Laws of God. For lacking this the fear of God cannot be inculcated, and lacking the fear of God and infinity of odious and abominable actions will spring up, and sentiments will be uttered that transgress all bounds..."

~ Compilations, Lights of Guidance, p. 236

"..education cannot alter the inner essence of a man, but it doth exert tremendous influence, and with this power it can bring forth from the individual whatever perfections and capacities are deposited within him. A grain of wheat, when cultivated by the farmer, will yield a whole harvest, and a seed, through the gardener's care, will grow into a great tree. Thanks to a teacher's loving efforts, the children of the primary school may reach the highest levels of achievement; indeed, his benefactions may lift some child of small account to an exalted throne. Thus is it clearly demonstrated that by their essential nature, minds vary as to their capacity, while education also playeth a great role and exerteth a powerful effect on their development."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 131

"And as to the world’s evil plight, we need but recall the writings and sayings of Bahá’u’lláh, who, more than fifty years ago, declared in terms prophetic the prime cause of the ills and sufferings of mankind, and set forth their true and divine remedy. “Should the Lamp of Religion be hidden,” He declares, “Chaos and confusion will ensue.” How admirably fitting and applicable are these words to the present state of mankind!

 "Ours is then the duty and privilege to labor, by day and by night, amidst the storm and stress of these troublous days, that we may quicken the zeal of our fellow-men, rekindle their hopes, stimulate their interest, open their eyes to the true Faith of God and enlist their active support in the carrying out of our common task for the peace and regeneration of the world.

"Let us pray to God that in these days of world-encircling gloom, when the dark forces of nature, of hate, rebellion, anarchy and reaction are threatening the very stability of human society, when the most precious fruits of civilization are undergoing severe and unparalleled tests, we may all realize, more profoundly than ever, that though but a mere handful amidst the seething masses of the world, we are in this day the chosen instruments of God’s grace, that our mission is most urgent and vital to the fate of humanity, and, fortified by these sentiments, arise to achieve God’s holy purpose for mankind."

 ~ Shoghi Effendi, Baha'i Administration, pp. 50-52

conduct ~ stretching spiritual muscles

"O ye friends of God! Show ye an endeavor that all the nations and communities of the world, even the enemies, put their trust, assurance and hope in you; that if a person falls into errors for a hundred-thousand times he may yet turn his face to you, hopeful that you will forgive his sins; for he must not become hopeless, neither grieved nor despondent. This is the conduct and the manner of the people of Baha'..."

    ~ Abdu'l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu'l-Baha v2, p. 436

trash piling up while waiting for the owner to supply the bin

i have studied this quote and always thought of it as something quite extraordinary.  i could not imagine one person i know falling into errors 100,000 times let alone being able to forgive that person and bring hope and consolation to his heart..

i have been facing continuous 'errors' for three weeks by the owner and contractors of the house we recently moved into.  their blatant and repeated lack of honesty and trustworthiness, unreliability and poor workmanship have combined to create a situation in which i started thinking and speaking negatively toward them.

i couldn't accept their lack of morals graciously.  i couldn't embrace the incompetency of work or craftsmanship.  the virtues of God felt far from my reach -- patience and understanding were not springing up within my heart.  internally i felt contempt and a bit of rage.  worst of all, i couldn't rely on or trust anyone..

after a week of being bombarded by accumulated 'errors', i was no longer able to cooperate peacefully with them at all.  i had started raising my voice and speaking impolitely.  i recognized that it was time to center myself spiritually.  i started asking my husband to work with them when he was home.  i retreated or kept my distance as much as possible.  whatever prayerful state i was in when i awoke in the morning was gone by noon.  too many compounded, insidious occurrences that brought all of my spiritual weaknesses to the surface..

i had to look at myself and honestly assess what qualities of God i needed to grow in.  this situation was beyond the normal sense of bringing myself to account each day.  i had developed an all-consuming attitude of irritability and complaint that needed serious attention.  i had lost that radiant, pure-hearted joy which depicts my way of life.  i typically live each day consciously mindful of the suffering of the peoples of the world, so how could i be so frustrated and not able to willingly accept the hardships that come along with material life (like an oven we bought within our budget, not knowing it has to be lit with a match or that the metal rack is so flimsy i cannot put a heavy glass dish on it)?  how could i complain about the repeated inability of the plumber to fix the leaks when my neighbors don't even have indoor plumbing?  how could i feel contempt for the owner of the house who has broken his word every time while we are fortunate to even live in a spacious, new house?  it made me feel deeply conflicted and frozen with shame because i could not empty my heart or mind of these negative feelings..

i shared how i was feeling with my husband and listened to his observations.  he pointed out first that my excessive complaining about the material aspects of the house (broken faucets, newly installed cabinets covered with contact paper, a washing machine that moves violently no matter what we've tried, poor drainage and lack of sealant around the windows) was conveying to our children that it's acceptable to complain.  he then explained how we chose to live in Africa -- how we must accept the good and the bad, so to speak.  he also shared how it helps him to not get upset by what other people do because everyone answers to God; it's our duty to be detached from the conditions and circumstances of this life and material world.

i was moved to see how my behavior was making a negative imprint on the children's life experience.  i felt like all of my husband's points were true and valid -- i love being on this continent  and deeply know that i must focus on my own spiritual deficiencies while facing every test or challenge in this life as God's way of perfecting my soul.  it made me realize that my inability to overcome being irritated was not just a combination of having high expectations of moral conduct along with the expectation that goods and services will be of the best quality.  i also have an attachment to not wanting to lower my standard of living.  i feel like i have already chosen a life outside of America that is less comfortable with less conveniences -- this situation of compounded 'errors' toward me, however, revealed that i am still holding on to a good quality kitchen, washing machine, wardrobe, plumbing, etc.

now it was up to me to put forth a mighty effort, with full determination, to change my perspective and actually practice the virtue of detachment (ie., not being negatively affected by any situation).  everything in my life that is beyond my control is God's Will.  the key for me is to attain that inner power of detachment from this world, through my love for Him, which enables me to cling to God and surrender to His Will.

i started this process by observing silence and offering a prayer whenever feeling the urge to complain about anything negative situation.  i am still reminding myself to use these 'errors' as perfect opportunities to grow in the qualities of God.  this has always been how i view my struggles and suffering, but this situation was new territory for my soul, a new challenge that was stretching my spiritual muscles.  i'm still very far from the spiritual standard that someone 'must not become hopeless, neither grieved nor despondent' after many errors, but it feels better no longer being consumed by negative emotions..

for the first time in my life, this counsel of Abdu'l-Baha has touched my life in a practical way by helping me begin to try and apply it.  these words have served as the source of inspiration and guidance for me to overcome my lower nature and tap into my spiritually potential.  i continue to recite and reflect on it each day.  i am still striving to have a pure heart when faced with this ongoing situation, but am now able to bring to mind the high standard of offering hope and forgiveness to those who have wronged me.  i am also consciously trying to accept every material hardship as a means for my spirit to grow as well.  as the creative spirit in the Word of God mysteriously works on our souls, the frustration and anger can be transformed into wisdom and sincerity if i make constant exertions to exercise these qualities of God within my soul..

as my never-ending spiritual journey evolves, i rely on the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha:

"The root cause of wrongdoing is ignorance, and we must therefore hold fast to the tools of perception and knowledge. Good character must be taught. Light must be spread afar, so that, in the school of humanity, all may acquire the heavenly characteristics of the spirit, and see for themselves beyond any doubt that there is no fiercer hell, no more fiery abyss, than to possess a character that is evil and unsound; no more darksome pit nor loathsome torment than to show forth qualities which deserve to be condemned.

The individual must be educated to such a high degree that he would rather have his throat cut than tell a lie, and would think it easier to be slashed with a sword or pierced with a spear than to utter calumny or be carried away by wrath.

Thus will be kindled the sense of human dignity and pride, to burn away the reapings of lustful appetites. Then will each one of God's beloved shine out as a bright moon with qualities of the spirit, and the relationship of each to the Sacred Threshold of his Lord will be not illusory but sound and real, will be as the very foundation of the building, not some embellishment on its facade."

~ Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 136

noblest deed

"..is there any deed in the world that would be nobler than service to the common good? Is there any greater blessing conceivable for a man, than that he should become the cause of the education, the development, the prosperity and honor of his fellow-creatures? No, by the Lord God! The highest righteousness of all is for blessed souls to take hold of the hands of the helpless and deliver them out of their ignorance and abasement and poverty, and with pure motives, and only for the sake of God, to arise and energetically devote themselves to the service of the masses, forgetting their own worldly advantage and working only to serve the general good."

 ~ Abdu'l-Baha, The Secret of Divine Civilization, p. 103

B-STRONG ~ facing death

Dad & Marti surrounded by our family, August 2012

a week ago i watched my dad pass away.  he had been lying in a hospice bed in the living room of his home for 7 days without food or water.  his body had been overcome by lymphoma.  two weeks before his passing he could no longer feed himself or move his body due to extreme weakness and pain.  he was given morphine on the day that he refused to swallow anymore, so he was almost lifeless for a week except for brief moments of semi-consciousness where he would open his eyes, raise his eyebrows or move his lips a little bit as signs that he was still aware of his surroundings despite being unable to communicate.  by the last two days of his earthly life, these outward signs of communicate were no longer apparent and i had to rely on trusting that he could still hear my voice..

i arrived 3 days before his passing, staying by his bedside as often as possible.  i could not think of leaving the house, nor did i have any desire to do so.  i spent many hours praying silently and softly in his ear or by his side.  i massaged his neck, hands and feet, and gently rubbed shea butter cream onto his face.  sometimes his lips needed to be moistened.  the inside of his throat was dying but the home health aid used a medicinal swab to wipe his teeth and gums.  by the last morning of his life, the nurse commented that she had never seen anyone live longer than 5 days without water and food..

my dad's license plate was 'B-STRONG'.  his life was all about loving God and trusting in God, from Whom all his strength came.  his motto, 'be strong' was a tribute to his surname, Strong, and how to be, or how to live this life.  this was personified all throughout his fight against lymphoma.  this past year, especially, was full of complications, surgery, falls, hospital stays, emergency room visits, needles and procedures, doctor appointments and follow-ups, and pain that can never be measured -- but my dad never complained!  he was spiritually strong every single day, giving praise to God, relying on God and trusting in God.  he emitted joy and constantly joked in a lighthearted manner.  in his tiredness or weakness he would apologetically choose to have no visitors or stay home instead of attend an event -- and as he was continually visited by family and church family, he made them feel happy and loved even though he was exhausted or suffering in pain.  even to the last week of his conscious life, while his mind was now often forgetful and confused and his body was overcome with pain, he would say he was 'fine' or 'doing well'.  this is how he showed all of us to 'b-strong'..

this is my account of the last day of his life:
at 4:30am i arose to pray that morning.  for the first time i opened the prayer book to the prayers for the departed, preparing my soul to pray for his soul.  afterwards, in the darkness, with the loud sound of the oxygen machine running, i came to his bedside and wept for over an hour, emptying my heart to him, whispering to him, praying for his soul..my heart ached for the pain and long-suffering he’d endured these past 2 years, but especially this year, not being able to drive, to walk, to go to church, to play ball, to go fishing, etc. – all the while being so radiant and light-hearted and joyful..

that time with dad felt the closest i have ever felt to him as a soul.  i could feel his spirit hanging on to see my husband, dashiel, and our children.  by late morning, dash and the kids arrived and greeted him with all of their love.  shortly thereafter, the hospice nurse came for the first time since he’d been put on morphine.  she was the one who predicted he would pass away within a week.  soon after she left i noticed for the first time that dad’s extremities were no longer warm – one of the final signs that death is imminent.  we lovingly expressed to him that finally we were all here with him, and that we were awaiting his reunion with God..

a few hours passed before noticing he seemed restless and that it was time for more morphine.  it was 4:30pm.  within a few minutes, a slight gurgle turned into a constant gurgle.  my aunt determined that this indeed was the ‘death rattle’.  i called my step-mom, marti, to come.  she brought the Bible and tearfully recited some of the holy verses to guide his soul in this process.  we then called the family to come together for prayer and loving support.  we all stood around his bed listening to the difficulty of his breathing, aware of the coolness of his hands and feet, aware that the hour of ascension was upon us.  marti hugged dad’s head and kept showering her assurances of the glory of heaven and dad’s returning home to God as the tears poured forth from her eyes.  from the depths of her heart she said how she’s always loved him and how she always will, and that she will see him soon.  we each took our turn by his head and hand to express our love.  we stood in silent prayer for some time while my aunt hummed a hymn.  we all entered a moment where we felt that he was going to continue to be like this so my sister and i left him to begin preparing dinner.  a few minutes later his breath changed and we ran back over..

this is when time stopped and our family entered a moment that we cannot fully recount.  standing side by side, each of us touching a part of dad’s body, we listened closely and tenderly to each very slow breath that he took.  the gurgle was gone.  our eyes and hearts were fixed upon helping his spirit leave his body.  tears softly flowed from our eyes.  then my sister asked me to offer a prayer. 

i offered,

"Whatever God hath willed hath been, and that which He hath not willed shall not be.  There is no power or strength except in God, the Most Exalted, the Most Mighty.”

and

“Is there any Remover of difficulties save God?  Say: Praised be God!  He is God!  All are His servants and all abide by His bidding.”

after a few moments i asked our daughter if she could sing, ‘This Earthly Plane’ by Elika Mahoney.  the melody and words seemed to permeate the inner recesses of our hearts with such penetrating power that surely dad’s soul was uplifted from the sorrow and suffering that his body had endured for so long.   at certain moments each of us switched positions with others to be near to his face.  i was able to have this bounty when dad’s breath became very, very soft and slow.  i put my hands upon his cheeks and said goodbye.  i offered one last prayer in his ear and then gazed into his glassy eyes.  at this moment, my sister asked our daughter to sing, Amazing Grace.  as she soulfully began to sing, we all witnessed as he gently and ever so softly took in his last breath.   i touched his chest and confirmed that there was no more heartbeat.. the time was 5:40.

the peace, the serenity, the solace, the tranquility, and the complete rest of my dad’s body had finally come.  our tears were for his suffering and for ourselves, recollecting and remembering the myriad of ways he touched our lives and many other lives.  we hugged each other and consoled each other and acknowledged his soul’s release from the cage of his worn body.  it felt surreal.  it felt deeply heart-wrenching yet deeply confirming.  his life was a testimony of faith and love for God that he served as an example to all of us for how be one of God’s servants.  his suffering revealed his soul’s capacity to exemplify fortitude, perseverance, long-suffering without complaint, and above all, radiant acquiescence..

the viewing and funeral attracted over 400 people to say goodbye and show their love and respect to my dad.  his death left an empty space and void in 100's of people's lives in addition to his family.  wherever he went he introduced himself, saying 'Hello, Bob Strong" with such a friendly disposition that people said goodbye feeling happy and valued, respected and loved.  he emanated the love of God so naturally that it was easy to be around him and always want more of him.  our family now talks about his 'legacy' -- how he has left all of us with a standard of kindness and what it means to 'do good unto others' that we all feel inspired to be like him..

dad, a fisher of men, on his boat, Good News, at the jersey shore

..we all face death and know it is an inevitable part of life, yet when it happens it opens up the heart to an ache and pain that enters every crevice of one's innermost being.  no matter how deep our faith and assurances are of the spiritual life of the soul beyond this earthly plane, we grieve the loss of our loved ones.

this was my first time being in the presence of death and witnessing how the spirit leaves the body.  i now have a deeper understanding of how the spirit of the soul is what attracts us to others -- it certainly isn't the body that remains living in our hearts.  the spirit that animated my dad's body is now reunited with its Creator.  i now find myself talking with and praying for my father's soul in a purely spiritual manner, relying on the spiritual bond of divine love that we shared in this life:

"In prayer there is a mingling of station, a mingling of condition. Pray for them as they pray for you! When you do not know it, and are in a receptive attitude, they are able to make suggestions to you, if you are in difficulty. This sometimes happens in sleep. but there is no phenomenal intercourse! That which seems like phenomenal intercourse has another explanation." The questioner exclaimed; "But I have heard a voice!" 'Abdu'l-Bahá said: "Yes, that is possible; we hear voices clearly in dreams. It is not with the physical ear that you heard; the spirit of those that have passed on are freed from sense-life, and do not use physical means. It is not possible to put these great matters into human words; the language of man is the language of children, and man's explanation often leads astray."
    ~Abdu'l-Baha, Abdu'l-Baha in London, p. 96

one of our outings together when our family lived in Rochester

Niagara Falls 2005

“..a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and hardships for their children; and often when the children have reached the age of maturity, the parents pass on to the other world. Rarely does it happen that a father and mother in this world see the reward of the care and trouble they have undergone for their children. Therefore children, in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence, and must implore pardon and forgiveness for their parents. So you ought, in return for the love and kindness shown you by your father, to give to the poor for his sake, with greatest submission and humility implore pardon and remission of sins, and ask for the supreme mercy.”

               ~Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith, p. 329