May 08, 2012

lack of trust breeds fear

i am waiting for the police to arrive to make a report about the break-in.  the kids are in school and my husband is at work.  my stomach is in knots.  it's like i'm living the entire experience over again..

this morning we had my husband's company talk with the owner of the compound to ask her to ensure that the security company complies with our request to make a report.  my husband's company needs a report from them but they are stalling.  they aren't exactly liable but one of their employees didn't make his rounds that evening so he didn't even know that the barbed wire was cut wide open and our window and sliding door were left open.. security companies in ghana are supposed to pay the amount of whatever is stolen once a report is made.  this company is doing nothing -- they didn't even 'sack' the guy, which means fire him -- AND i find it a bit uncomfortable that they took the tool that was used to cut the barbed wire -- it was left on top of the wall where the opening was made.  if we had known, we would have kept it for the police evidence..even for the possibility of fingerprints.. 

even though our driver is handling just about everything with the police, when they arrive they will be scoping out our house.  if you don't please them, they become your enemy -- they will expect a bribe.. our driver will handle it as he knows best but i am very uncomfortable with that corrupt element in our home.  the local Baha'is had armed robbers steal and assault them 2 years ago; they said that the police were no help and they had to pay them money..

i know that whatever happens is God's Will, yet i find myself struggling to have no fear..to feel tranquility and trust again..as i used to..unconditionally.  fear has crept all the way into my veins as a daily aspect of life.  it is bad enough that i don't know who it was that broke in and betrayed our trust; now i'm battling the thought processes of wondering what else might now happen -- what if..?  the lack of trust breeds the fear.  this is what needs to heal within me, no matter how corrupt the police are or how deceiving one of my neighbors or security guards may be..

this is our life at the moment.  we breathe deeply a lot and consciously practice being present while striving to find a balance between tying one's camel and putting one's trust solely in God.  this is the challenge we must overcome so that we can be wholeheartedly free of fear and not become chained down by the fetters of this world..
"Free thyself from the fetters of this world and loose thy soul from the prison of self.  Seize thy chance for it will come to thee no more."   ~ Baha'u'llah

1 comment:

  1. Oh no! What a terrible situation. So hard to be loving and trusting when faced with the realities of the world. How amazing that you are able to keep such a thoughtful perspective in the midst of such heartbreak and fear. Sending lots of love.

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