my dad..still fighting cancer after a year
always trying to 'be strong' as in 'b' for 'bob' strong |
within a week's time, we saw him go from this new sense of normal to one of fatigue, tiredness, breathing difficulties and excruciating pain when urinating. it was just before the Christmas and New Year holiday season. he started sleeping during the day and had no energy for watching us play soccer outside (in the very cold weather!). he thought he might have an infection but it was not an easy time to make a doctor appointment; many of the specialists were on holiday and he didn't want to go to the hospital where they do not know him or his medical history..
chatting with the secretaries at the cancer center |
as we sat in the room where the shunt is cleaned out he tried talking with one of the nurses who is not a pleasant woman. it's one of those situations where you wonder how someone reaches a point in their career where they are no longer happy, no longer a true caregiver. this woman has an aura about her that makes you want to run away from her. yet dad has continued to make every effort, every time he sees her, to be sincere and have a nice conversation with her. this time he was asking her about the local football team. she responded grumpily that she's never liked football and she never will. dad made some pleasant reply and left it at that. we both smiled and i thought to myself, 'my dad has a good heart.'
at my dad's home he can be found mostly in 2 places: at the kitchen table with pillows under and behind him to keep him comfortable, or on his recliner chair reading the newspaper or watching tv. his favorite time at the table is when family is sitting down with him around a meal. he believes firmly in offering grace before we eat and is very thankful for the little things in life that we are all provided by God, like our health. on this last visit we shared some good times but his appetite was less and he struggled to have enough energy and concentration to be able to play our favorite card game together: pinochle. when we did play, he always needed to ask questions like 'who dealt', because he was not quick with his mind like he used to be. we made light of it and often busted on him but beneath the surface it was troubling to my heart to see him this way.
dad looking worn out..but enjoying a smoothie made with fresh blueberries & strawberries made by dashiel |
the last week of our visit, when he went for the petscan early in the week, he could no longer drive. at the University of PA hospital, where they all know him, he had to return each day for one reason or another -- sometimes just because of the inefficiency of the system -- and we barely saw him. on the saturday that we had to say goodbye he was still light-hearted, positive, prayerful and hopeful. with tears in our eyes we all huddled together outside of departures at the airport listening to dad offer a prayer of praise to God, beseeching His guidance for all of us.
a week later he was admitted into the hospital where he's been for a week now. he's had a biopsy on his bladder where a mass was found, and he was given a spinal tap to determine if there are any lymphomic cancer cells lingering within the bones. i'm waiting to see what the results of these tests are while he lies in the hospital each day with immeasurable pain until treatment can be provided.
dad's wife, Marti, always being strong and supportive as the caregiver for dad |
Thanks Pam for this beautiful narrative of your dad's condition. I love him so much and it is so heartbreaking to know he is battling such a painful illness. He's an amazing man and I pray every day for him to keep fighting the fight.
ReplyDeleterelying on God and praying for him is the best way to heal him as he is truly in God's hands each day. thanks for the message. xo
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