self-mastery

the other day i was pondering my struggle here living in ghana. i have gone around and around in my head and in my heart about outward circumstances that have been leaving me without energy. it's more than just missing loved ones and the cultures of south africa. it's more than facing the traffic and lack of infrastructure here. and it's definitely more than the typical things in life that test our resolve, patience, forbearance, etc.

it entered my heart finally that my soul just isn't at peace.  it shouldn't matter what is happening around me.  happiness and contentment are never based on outer circumstances.  they are qualities of the soul.  a peaceful soul is acquiescent, radiantly acquiescent.  a peaceful soul is calm, full of patience, and able to put faith into practice by trusting that everything is God's Will..and God's Will always benefits our souls.

i can feel this internal struggle happening, making me feel discontent when dwelling on what it is that i want to change.  what is essential is that i surrender.  i must stop trying to resist God's Will -- i.e., all of the situations and circumstances of life here in Ghana.  i must stop struggling against what i can't change:

"Whosoever is occupied with himself is wandering in the desert of heedlessness and regret. The 'Master Key' to self-mastery is self- forgetting. The road to the palace of life is through the path of renunciation."    

                                                      (Lights of Guidance, p. 114)

no matter how much i find a situation difficult for me, this counsel to forget what i want is truly the 'light of guidance' for my soul.  i am praying and striving to surrender.  it's a spiritual journey of communing with God while often feeling quietly alone in my struggle to forget myself.  i'm not there yet but i can feel myself feeling less disturbed when i focus on giving up my will for the sake of God's Will.  it requires complete conscious effort at first.  the more effort i make to conform to the Will of God, the easier and quicker it will be for me to evolve into exhibiting that spiritual habit of effortless acquiescence.  i must always remember the 'master key'..